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The worst trip imaginable


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#1 dpwishy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 01:19 PM

At first when I wrote this, I only posted it in mod talk.
I have logged almost all of my trips here,
but I was afraid that the story would ruin the image of entheoens.
But after two months of processing it,
I feel like I am doing more of a disservice keeping it from the community.
I have seen multiple posts asking things like;
"I heard you can't have a bad trip on wood lovers or cyans",
so I post this publicly in hopes it adds to the scientific accumulation of these experiences.
It is my hope that the total amount of information on this site,
good and bad,
will give users a basis of common sense and not dogma when working with entheogens.
I have not altered this post what so ever from its original content.

Blessings and Light
-wishy




I am at a loss for words,
I feel like an old friend turned on me.
I thought I knew what a bad trip could be like,
but man, I got it good.

I ate 2.5 g's of Pan Cyans,
I felt like I was being attacked by an entity.
As soon as I felt it happening,
my dog starting freaking the fuck out and trying to get near me.
My inner voice told me to go into my meditation cell.
I was in the fight of my life, holy fuck.
I fought and fought.
It got to a point where I cried out to Jesus for help.
I cried out to Jesus for help, that should tell you where I was at.
I am not a christian.

It kept telling me that I was going to kill my dog and gf.
It was telling me i was being programmed to do it.
It said I was going to black out and kill them,
that I would come too not even remembering it.
All the while my dog is going NUTS,
its now trying to get into my meditation cell with me.

A voice told me to run out of the house,
that I was going to black out and hurt them.
I ran from my cabin to the main house on the property,
when I got to the door I put my key in to unlock it.
A voice then told me I already killed them and they were dead inside the cabin.
I ran as fast as I could back into the cabin to find them.

This is where it got crazy.
It was like the movie inception,
dreams within dreams.
I was going from delusion to delusion thinking I woke up in between.
Like being in a dream, to wake up and still be in a dream thinking your awake.
I thought i killed them, then I would come to to another delusion thinking I woke up from that one.
To just go into another one.
It was kind of like lsd loops, but far more real and intense.

It was almost like a datura type experience.
I don't remember it being like a normal trip with normal visuals.
I don't remember visuals at all.
It was creating full on realities like they were real.

The hardest part was my fiance ate like 2 g's herself,
I dealt with this for 4 hours alone.
I didnt tell her, how could I?
How do you tell the person you love and are tripping with,
that you are fighting something off that is trying to get you to kill them?

There was one point where I was in one of the delusions,
where I thought I already kiill them,
that I was convinced I had to kill my self.
That I could never tell her parents or mine that I did this,
it was the only option.
Then I would hear her laugh in the background,
kinda like when your on K and are fully disassociated and have music on.
You are in another world, but the music is anchoring you to yours also.
I could hear her laughing behind the delusion tripping,
and my higher self kept telling me to keep fighting,
that I can make it through it.
I fought and fought.

It scared me that these thoughts where even being given to me,
it scared me that I had to fight these ideas.
Its scary to think if I wasnt as experienced as I was,
I probably wouldnt have been able to fight that off.
I would have killed my fiance and my dog.
I would have been that news story.
Holy fuck.

This past week has been so hard on me.
Now that I am not drinking,
I honestly don't know how to deal.
Its a pathetic feeling.
I just want to run and hide, crawl in a hole.
I want my old vice, but I know it wont change a thing.
I guess that is why I am typing this now,
this has festered for a week and I am going insane inside.
Its been so hard trying to grasp and understand this experience.

The tool that gave me my God (the mushroom),
almost took everything I love and cherish.

It was an eye opening experience.
I really need you guys right now,
I am at a loss for words.

I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life...

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy

Edited by dpwishy, 01 April 2013 - 02:11 PM.

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#2 bigjimmy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 01:40 PM

Man.

One of the nastiest (if not the nastiest) trip reports I have read.

It is all the more frightening because of your extensive know-how
as it pertains to this hobby!

Take note newbs. This post is from one of the elder statesmen
of this hobby! NO ONE is guaranteed a 'fun' time with shrooms...

If Wishy can get bit like this...on 2.5 grams- any one can...

I have to guess that a similar experience must have been the
cause of T. McKenna's swearing off the fungi for good...

For sure a harrowing trip, as well as a reminder to us all
the power inherent in shrooms.

And pretty much all of us (guessing here) have ingested
more than 2.5 grams many times.

What have I learned from this post?

I will never take shrooms complacently or flippantly again.

They are serious fucking business, no matter the dose.

Thanks for giving others the chance to read this, Wishy.

YOUR brother-

jimmy
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#3 shiitakegrower

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 01:48 PM

Thank you for sharing.

#4 dpwishy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 01:54 PM

If Wishy can get bit like this...on 2.5 grams- any one can...

And pretty much all of us (guessing here) have ingested
more than 2.5 grams many times.


2.5 g's of Pan Cyan,
I would call that equal to about 7-8 grams of cubensis.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy
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#5 bigjimmy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 02:00 PM

2.5 g's of Pan Cyan,
I would call that equal to about 7-8 grams of cubensis.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy


OH.

I missed the part about the shrooms being pans...

So... I guess that is a bit easier to understand.

I am guessing you have done a dose that size
many times, correct wishy?

This would still point out how expectations can
be shattered by the fungi, no?

Peace bro

#6 MungoFungo

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 02:03 PM

This kind of stuff happens to me all the time, when i GO OVER THE EDGE..

thinking everybody is dead and we have crossed into a new reality..

or whatever....

imagine what it feels like to be totally schizophrenic all the time..............
Nice report!!!
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#7 dpwishy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 02:07 PM

OH.

I missed the part about the shrooms being pans...

So... I guess that is a bit easier to understand.

I am guessing you have done a dose that size
many times, correct wishy?


Yes I have dosed like this before,
many times? I guess that based on opinion.
I'd call it a handful, 4-6 times maybe.
I have taken that big of a dose on cubensis (7-8g's) many times.
But that much Pan's is a whole other beast,
I only have a handful of experience at that dose level with pans.
Both Pan cyan and Ps cyan.

This would still point out how expectations can
be shattered by the fungi, no?

Absolutely.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy

#8 Coopdog

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 02:26 PM

Thanks for being honest enough to post this regardless. It is indeed misleading when people read all the flowery trip reports in storming the gates. The mushrooms are powerful teachers and they are true entheogens.

I also had a couple of real brain benders, one from just 2.5 grams of powdered cubies after having done twice and more than that many times before. Fucked me up and now I only take a gram or so, just enough for the body buzz and some light visuals.

Learned my lesson, I am too big to hold down if I went off the wall, and was truly afraid I was going to hurt someone once. I found myself in a very dark and angry place and my wife said I was scaring her and I had a visceral reaction like a dog responding to fear and wanted to show her what scary was, and I would NEVER do anything to hurt anyone I love. Luckily I knew who I am and was able to just go lay down without acting on any of it. It was a terrible dark trip and I was in hell for three hrs and it almost swore me off fungi also.

Peace bro...
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#9 Sickmanlives

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 03:07 PM

I've had some dark thoughts that scared the holy shit out of me in the past as well. I haven't freaked out in a way that scared others yet, but I know it's there and capable of producing those emotions. I don't know what would happen if it did, hopefully I can be stable and mature enough like Coop is and climb into bed somewhere and hide.

I really try and hold onto those emotions as much as I can, feeling the sensations and vibrations of what is unforgiving at that time and really try to understand those concepts, diving further and further into them. I think it's vital for myself to be able to know them and to allow myself to be comfortable with them as well. I think we all have had some pretty dark roads that we followed at some point or another in our lives and sometimes it's quite revealing how they come back when we think we have found a new road to follow, trying to leave them behind in the past. But, it's all positive in my opinion, it's ok to have these thoughts circulate, it's just something to remind us what we need to work on and hopefully release them somehow in a positive way. It can be crippling no doubt about that.
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#10 SillyCone

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 03:28 PM

My shaman told me he sent a mexican shamaness to the hospital with 2.5g of Ps.Cyan...

Thank you for sharing your experience.

#11 bigjimmy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 03:35 PM

My shaman told me he sent a mexican shamaness to the hospital with 2.5g of Ps.Cyan...

Thank you for sharing your experience.


Thanks Silly my friend!

This post (and thread) has caused me to place pans in the same
category (for me) as salvia and datura...

That would be the 'I don't fuckin' think so' category...

y f jimmy

#12 Tetra

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 03:53 PM

Damn, son, that's harsh. I always take the extra precaution of smudging before every trip: I go through my space with incense and command all negative energies to depart, that they are not permitted to be near me, that only those whose serve Light and Love are welcome. I smudge my body as well, and my dog and I "charge" my dog with keeping the energy clean. It may be only peace of mind, but then again, it couldn't hurt, right? But it should also be noted that I have never done Pan Cyans, I work with DMT and Pharma almost exclusively (until I get my lazy ass to growing my beloved mushrooms: it's been too long).
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#13 Nickypno

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 04:05 PM

Wishy, bro, this is so strange.

I had an experience on a similar dose of mushrooms about 6 months ago now, that went the exact same as yours.

It began with a doubt, I dont remember what, and then a feeling hit me like a string broke, and I felt myself losing it.

Every object around me, the trees, the glass windows, the chairs, the dirt, became alive and took on conscious forms in seconds. I felt the ideas coming before I even knew what they were, and I immediately said in my inner voice to get into meditative position and get as Zen as ive ever been. It didn't work though.


THE same ideas as you describe were being pumped into me, like somebody else was thinking them for me and projecting them into my thought space. They said that id kill my gf, and my family, and myself. My inner voice said run, get the fuck outta dodge before you lose complete control to the powers threatening me and taking over my consciousness.

But then I was soon in a space ship in a strange movie and didn't really care about anything for a moment. It felt like the moment when you wake up and forget your dream, only the dream was my identity and my life. I was basically an infant in a space ship.

But I was being pushed back and forth between realities and identities, so there were times when the kill everything that matters to you ideas would come back, and my inner voice would again tell me to hold on for everything that I love.

It made me confused the same as you, like they turned on me. The mushroom is also the gift that brought me to my higher state of spiritual happiness and love, and then my last experience with it left me feeling like I was turned on, and I am still confused and scared.

I dont know why this is, but I feel you bro, I hear you loud and clear. I've never felt terror like that before.
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#14 aliendreamtime

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 06:10 PM

Lets not forget that dealing with these substances historically, whether it be witchcraft or shamanism, has been surrounded by negativity.

Some Ayahuasqueros used to drink it to locate their enemies. The Maya and Aztecs used psychedelics, and also hold the record for the most human sacrifices of any civilaztion.

And of course, dont forget about the story of the guy who cut out his friends heart while both were on mushrooms.

Its no coincidence that the pros - curanderos, ayahuasqueros, shamans etc. all recognize the need for protection from evil when venturing into these states

Whether its placebo or has some unknown material effect, bathing in Florida Water, making pusangas, gaining allies...all of these things help when you can feel the hot breath of evil breathing down your neck...being convinced you are protected by a benevolent entity helps. Its a real tricky situation when you start hallucinating demons. Having a weapon, a tool, a trick, anything prearranged will really, really help.

Things like this happen and in a few very unfortunate cases, irreparable actions are taken.

Its not a trivial act, going into these places. I think its worth learning the tricks of the trade in order to keep yourself and those around you safe.

Glad to hear everythings ok Wishy

Be safe

Edited by aliendreamtime, 01 April 2013 - 06:21 PM.

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#15 SillyCone

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 06:59 PM

This post (and thread) has caused me to place pans in the same
category (for me) as salvia and datura...

That would be the 'I don't fuckin' think so' category...

I probably wasn't precise enough...

I love the Ps.Cyans (note I was talking about Psilocybe Cyanescens, not Panaeolus Cyanescens... I haven't tested the pans yet), at 1g they are just so smooth yet so powerfull...
They are very subtle, not very visual like the cubes but provide many layers of understanding...

But my shaman told me to respect them when he gave them to me, and that's why he told me even seasoned warriors couldn't handle 2.5g of them...
I guess dpwishy just found his limit with the pans too ;)
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#16 Hypervision

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 07:41 PM

The first thing I thought is-- this is God's way of communicating with you.

Whether you are religious or not, the way I see it, there IS a god. A ruler over all. I hate it when people characterize god in 1 form such as the christian, muslim, hindu, etc. god because in the grand scheme of it all- How can any of them be TRULY correct. People in one part of the world claim that 'this' god is the only one, while people in another part of the world claim 'this' god to be the true one.. and they REALLY believe this to be true.... what i think is that they are all shooting at the same target, just with different weapons.. Why did god do this? IDK, its all part of the amazingly intricate puzzle of life.

((Religoin/god has been much of my thoughts as of recently so that is probably why I am saying this type of answer.))

And what I am getting at is that there is 1 god that acts over everything. I havent thought much about the idea of there being infinitly many 'true' gods for each individual person, but because of the fact that we all humans interact in this world,,,,, and unless all of you are just creations within my own 'mind',,,, then i think that it makes most sense that there is 1 god that rules over everyone.



Now, what i think you may have expereinced in this trip, may perhaps be God's way of interacting with YOU. The mushrooms, the cactus, all the chemicals that make up phychedelics are all products created and put here by god.... and i do think that god put them here for a purpose.. I've found they helped put me onto a more spiritual and open path... but perhaps you are giving them too much power. Maybe you believe that these chemicals ARE god. A link to 'deeper consciousness' which is basically another way to interact with whatever may come after this life............ And in all that thinking, you have come to truly BELIEVE it. And in all of that thinking you have pushed the true 'god' too far back..............

Believing in anything is stupid. It segregates you and only creates conflict, and makes you more close-minded than anything. Even believing that there is no god is just the same as those who you may call 'jesus freaks'.. Life is just too damn short for conflict. I personally think it is best to maintain the most open mind you can. To listen to everything, reject nothing. Don't sway too far to either side, then you will find truth.

And maybe in that thought process, God has decided to interact with YOU by giving this trip a purpose for you to be shooken loose. To make it's presence noticed. And also to test you. To show you that what you have come to be comfortable with is not what you thought it actually was..... BUT WHY would god intend for your trip to be so violent? As with others, why would he allow people to do horrible things like hurting other people?


Perhaps these people are examples of a "philosophical zombie". People put here that interact with us, but in REALITY their consciousness is a pre-programed creation by god. They are not real people. They serve as obstacles and examples for us to live by and to help guide us. You were able to resist its violent intention. So perhaps you are real (from my standpoint). But I'll never know. Even if you are real, that doesnt mean you would not have killed yourself. Maybe if you did kill yourself, then you would continue to the next phase of existence with that 'flaw' on your resume.... but that is getting a little too far off topic..

All that i can think of for why these violent thoughts were given to YOU is because you were chosen to have this PERSONAL expereince, and it WILL have an effect on you. From your post I can tell your concern, you'll be thinking about this for a while, maybe forever. So it WILL play an impact in your life. And you SHARED it, so it will impact us here who have read and really listened to it.

This is all I can come up with. You have experienced an interaction with God. The most INTENSE interaction we humans can have, one that deals with death. Every thing in life is an interaction with god in one way or another, but if you want to really feel god's presense, nothing beats that which involves death.


Good luck man, I know this is going to be a good expience for you.

Without the storm, you may never have realized the sunshine

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#17 dpwishy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 08:03 PM

But my shaman told me to respect them when he gave them to me, and that's why he told me even seasoned warriors couldn't handle 2.5g of them...
I guess dpwishy just found his limit with the pans too ;)


I have grown ps. cyans outside for multiple seasons,
and pan cyans indoor for 6-8 years.
I have eaten 3 g's of both multiple times fine.
In fact the last 3-4 times I have eaten them,
they were at the 3 g level.
I stepped it down because I was eating them with my fiance.
She consumed 2 g's herself, and has many times.

I don't mean that in any kind of pissing contest about dose size,
I think that stuff is stupid and egoic.
A dose is a personal preference and is completely relative.
Like I mentioned above in my first post,
use common sense not dogma with enthgeogens.
I would put the statement "even seasoned warriors couldn't handle 2.5g of them."
in the dogma category.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy

Edited by dpwishy, 01 April 2013 - 08:13 PM.

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#18 SillyCone

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 08:12 PM

Like I mentioned above in my first post,
use common sense not dogma with enthgeogens.

Not wanting to play the smart ass, but how do you use *common* sense when it's different for everybody ?

I would put the statement "even seasoned warriors couldn't handle 2.5g of them."
in the dogma category.

Fair enough... I should have said "even some seasoned warriors".
But please, don't take it so personally, bro, it wasn't my intention to judge you.

#19 dpwishy

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 08:26 PM

Fair enough... I should have said "even some seasoned warriors".
But please, don't take it so personally, bro, it wasn't my intention to judge you.


I didn't take it that way at all,
I know reading text online is hard to decipher someones tones,
thats why I wrote

I don't mean that in any kind of pissing contest about dose size,
I think that stuff is stupid and egoic.
A dose is a personal preference and is completely relative.


I knew you were not making an attack or judging me,
but I felt the need to clear up the misconception about the comment about dose size.
It was inaccurate for a number of people I know that consume them.
It was just for the sake of sound and accurate information.
Nothing personal, much love...

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy

Edited by dpwishy, 01 April 2013 - 08:43 PM.


#20 MrGumball

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 09:15 PM

Did you ever get that spirit or entity thing figured out?

If I were to believe in such things, I might be thinking that these incidents are related.

Also, you only ever mentioned "dog." Don't you have two of them now?




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