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The worst trip imaginable


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#41 bigjimmy

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 06:41 PM

Very grateful for sharing this.
Scary shit......been there, but fortunatly not this scary.


Since I'm becomming more spiritual by the minute it seem, I wonder if there are anny common rituals/mantra's or other practices you people would like to share, that could protect you from bad entitys?



See the thread 'Bigjimmy's good advice about bad trips' in 'Storming the Gates' for some, well, good advice on (avoiding) bad trips. It is, I feel, my best post (of more than 1500).
Hope it will help with your questions...

#42 ams1992

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 09:52 PM

See the thread 'Bigjimmy's good advice about bad trips' in 'Storming the Gates' for some, well, good advice on (avoiding) bad trips. It is, I feel, my best post (of more than 1500).
Hope it will help with your questions...


Keeping your quote bumped because I feel that thread is definitely very beneficial. Also linking it.

https://mycotopia.ne...-bad-trips.html

(This is my response to your first post without further reading. Just a direct message to the projection of self that posted that experience. I will continue reading, just felt you may benefit from this.)

Wishy, as far as your experience goes I have had similar in dream. An entity bent on destruction, a being of hate, darkness, and anger, he feeds on fear. In truth, I do not understand him. Every other dream I can interpret, I can glean from. Him though, he is pure darkness. What I'd even consider evil. Yet I am comforted at times by him in these dreams. The sound of shattering glass, the decrepit nature of the environments I'm thrown into, his sadistic need to create chaos and allow me to watch. I feel as though he benefits me in some way. In the past he has physically touched me. He pushed my foot into my mattress as I slept, he slid his hand across my arm.

I have felt terror in his presence. Each time though, I grow more comfortable. He doesn't feel a threat to me, nor has he ever. He is though, the darkest being I have ever encountered. I feel his darkness emanate from his entire being. I know who he is even when he is disguised as someone else. Each time he enters my dreams, I awaken with a fear. The fear is of mirrors. A powerful tool in some practices, and also a direct reflection of anything in front of it. I don't fear seeing something else in the mirror, I fear seeing myself as a changed being, seeing something besides my normal face, something I truly can't describe but I know inside. I fear the dread that escapes my chest as I walk by the mirror in the hall late at night. In time I heal, but he returns. This began after some very dark experiences in my life. I know now that I am safe though. I know the face of who brings me safety, and she is beautiful. I know the feelings that keep balance and safety, they too are beautiful.

I risk sounding insane by writing about these dreams and my beliefs that they are further from dream and closer to reality, but in all truth, what is sanity in this day and age? It is gauged by government entities, institutions, employees of indoctrinate careers. Sanity is what we make it. Your experience sounds hellish and I hope not to experience something similar ever. I read into it as I read it though as I often do with my own dreams. Perhaps it was beneficial for you in a way that is not currently evident. Love and loss are ever occurring themes in this life experience from my observation. In losing everything, many gain everything. In gaining everything, many lose it. The duality of coming to peace with 'what is' rather than 'could be' is often the lesson of loss and gain. I don't doubt in entities. I have, but since then I have grown and experienced. Perhaps what you perceived as an attack was truly a forceful lesson. A humbling. A sense of more perspective on priority and what truly matters. Of course this is an optimistic look at an otherwise frightening experience.

Just last night I had a dream. I was an employee at a new job, only worked a week and still was training. At this job, plants were sold as well as groceries. I recognized one immediately. Datura. There she sat, majestically, dangerously. I respected her. In this dream I brushed against her with my bare skin and awoke in the hospital. The doctor told me I was temporarily blinded but now could see. I looked in the mirror and my eyes no longer had color. All was lost but the outline, grey, and my pupil. Yet I could see. I had the appearance of a blind man but with sight. In time the color recovered and I returned to my job to warn the others. I found the manager, one I hadn't met yet. I spoke up to her and I told her the plant should not be sold, it's dangerous. She told me I was chosen to deliver a message to myself, my family, my friends, my children, and my childrens' children. She told me the message would come in time. I never remember dreams without significance. They never feel real if they aren't of complete importance. They are an experience. A vivid tapestry of visual reality playing through my mind as I sleep. I only dream like that a few times per year. I share this with you because in my experiences the scariest and hardest of lessons are the ones that seem real. They hold much symbolism, truth, and show the purest sides of self. They also take awhile to digest. I hope this experience ends up having been beneficial to you. Much love brother.

Edited by ams1992, 04 June 2013 - 10:28 PM.

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#43 dpwishy

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 10:36 PM

I risk sounding insane by writing about these dreams and my beliefs that they are further from dream and closer to reality, but in all truth, what is sanity in this day and age?


I don't think you sound insane at all.
I thank you for sharing your experiences.

The lesson that he teaches, knowingly or not (to it), is to not give away our power. We fuel him and give him energy with our fear, this is what he feeds of off, what it lives off of. I'm not sure if he understands this is his role as he see's things in a much lower perspective and ravels in his chaos. The silly thing is, he exists only because of us. This entity/entities do not live independent of us. You could call it an archetype of sorts. The greatest trick it can play on us is having us believe that it has ANY power independent of us. Everything it does to us we create for it.

We are the creator Gods, not It. I think that's it's main jealousy towards humans and is the reason it does the things it does. I have always used this metaphor in my head. Give a creator being a blank piece of paper and it can create something new, art, anything. A new creation. Give one of these entities a blank piece of paper and they wouldn't be able to create anything. They can only reproduce what we put forward. They cannot create anything original what so ever. This is the fuel of its hatred towards us. But what they can do is trick us into creating for them. They have been successfully tricking humanity into doing this since the dawn of civilization.

I'd also add; This is not the true reality, this is a simulation that these beings created copying the sacred geometry the source used. There is a reason we feel separate from everything and things just don't seem and feel right. This is not the true reality... ;)

I've been thinking about your experience for a few days now and want to express my appreciation to you for sharing.


Thanks for the thoughtful pm,
Ill send you a reply in the morning when I can reply more thoroughly.
Its been a long day and I am beat.
Blessing and light, friend.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy

Edited by dpwishy, 04 June 2013 - 10:44 PM.

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#44 ams1992

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 11:06 PM

The lesson that he teaches, knowingly or not (to it), is to not give away our power. We fuel him and give him energy with our fear, this is what he feeds of off, what it lives off of. I'm not sure if he understands this is his role as he see's things in a much lower perspective and ravels in his chaos. The silly thing is, he exists only because of us. This entity/entities do not live independent of us.


I know this, but on another level I believe they are a lot more than that. We don't have to give them power, but respect is definitely beneficial. In my experience the entity in my dream didn't bring me fear after about 3 dreams. Only the mirror did. The mirror only brings me fear when I emanate negativity or fear and that is now not only after the dream. It's like the mirror amplifies the darkness I give off and puts me in a state of discomfort to remind me. I've had waking visions before as well, not asleep. This is where I knew I was safe in all I do. Where I understood my role. She took the form of a symbol I am inspired by artistically, animated it and nodded with a gentle smile. The symbol she chose showed me she was a part of me, but I fully believe she on her own has her own existence, her own experience. Same with the robed woman in the empty grove, another vision I had. Life formed around her in the form of trees, and two other people were there who looked like clerics but their light was too bright to tell were around her.

They all have energies that each one of us have within us, but I believe regardless of our own energies they can change theirs at their own will just as we can. I believe we have more power perhaps because we are on this physical realm, but they share the realm to experience with us and to possibly guide or alter our direction. Some for better, some for worse. I'm not sure how far you've gone with your studies and your experiences but in my own that is my current perspective. I do know that the projections they can create can be beautiful or horrific, but in both I feel comfort because I am both. Balance is always key. I do agree with a lot of what you said though brother. I am a creator. A writer, an artist, a musician. I have a draw of both light and dark, I tend to blend both with melancholic peace in my sound. It affects people differently, but most all have expressed that they have felt at ease with it.

Rest well my friend.

Edited by ams1992, 04 June 2013 - 11:15 PM.


#45 mrmushroomman

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Posted 09 June 2013 - 04:24 PM

I have had years experience with mushrooms/lsd and had a nearly identical experience. It occurred on 4th of July last year at my friends country house in Indiana with three of my friends I have tripped with multiple times. We took some flower of life blotters to drop during the evening and last all night. So we dropped 3 tabs a piece to start off planning to take 1 or 2 more depending on the strength. We took out the golf cart to sit next to a nearby pond. It started to kick in really clean and smooth but seemed a bit weak to everyone. We had a decent body high colors were intensified but since we drove almost two hours up to watch a firework show that happens once a year and had left over tabs some of us decided to take more(the person that didn't dose more actually took all of his 3 so he was relatively grounded). So we get back to the house from the pond still having a positive trip having a good time about to sit out on the deck and check the fireworks out with some music. So me and 2 of my friends that had more tabs decide to just take the rest since we didn't want to trip anytime recent in the future. So i end up eating 5 and my 2 friends eat 3. So at that point I had 8 huge tabs and two of my friends 6 and one 3. I knew I had dosed stronger tabs previously then the 3 or 4 I started with so I thought the 8 would just bring me to a really nice visual experience. Prior to this I have tripped nearly half ozs of booms and around 5 or 6 white on whites and both of those times were the most beautiful eye opening experience of my life. So I figured this time will be no different, I never had a bad trip before so I didn't think it could happen to me. I went out on the deck put on some music smoked a bowl or two with my friends and literally about an hour after I took the other tabs I knew i was in for the strongest trip of my life.

I saw the energy currents pulsing out of every living thing as the visuals took over. As we were hanging out getting ready to watch the fireworks I started to feel an apprehensive feeling come over me. I look up in the sky and there is lights attached to what looked like a metal frame hovering about 5-10 miles away in the sky. I ask my friends am I tripping or do they see what I'm seeing. Everyone stares at it in amazement we couldn't explain what it was and I knew it wasn't the visuals. Afterwards the fireworks start and everyone is lighting them off in there backyard and my friend has some left over so he starts lighting them off. It scared the shit out of me it sounded like a canon was going off right next to me. This is when things started going south . We went inside and one of my friends turns on adventure time and some tunes. Everything in my sight was distorted the tv projections were all around me. During this period my friends and I (the ones on 6 blotters)experienced telepathy and we would just stare at each other to communicate. Our field of vision and feelings were one. I pulled them into the fear that was taking over me because it was so strong. Then the notorious loop began that we could not escape. We looked out the window and it was not visuals. It was a literal war of the worlds outside. The sky was red, meteors were flying everywhere, people were screaming explosions going off, alien ships attacking. It was clear we were going to die and every time we ran outside or changed location it would just loop right back. It felt like a lifetime was going by looping this end of the world over and over again and we didn't know how to escape. Our phones sounded as if they were getting a thousand calls from our friends and loved ones. I stumbled into the bathroom and puked everywhere. I went outside and Roaches and bugs began to crawl everywhere , it looked like a red wasteland with war going on overhead so crystal clear that it had to be real. I knew everyone was going to die and that earth was over and the only way I can save everybody was to kill myself. The thought was not my own but placed into my head it felt and without an other option. My friends felt that I had to as well and the only reason I'm here today is probably because of them. Long story short I ended up in a emergency room wondering what happen telling people to turn on the news armageddon happened. They told me I was taken away by an ambulance which I thought was a spaceship and I was in the er. I almost slit my wrist that night and rationality and my friends being a bit more sober than i was saved my life. My friend that took the least amount ended up trying to drive me home that night because the hallucinations were so realistic and evil that I couldn't snap out of it. On the way home (hour away) we barely making it a couple blocks I just can't stand being in the car anymore and start throwing a fit fighting them to let me out of the car. I fight myself out of the car hellbent on doing myself in and I remember the look in my best friends eyes as he says no.. come back please. I say I can't an run into a gas station looking for something to kill myself with I ended up with a lighter after trashing the store for a bit. Luckily a gentlemen besides the freaked out clerk asked me what was going on and i said i have to kill myself . Im pretty sure he called the police as he tried to talk me out of it.I was trying to light my shirt on fire and passed out in the gas station and awoke in the ambulance that i thought was a spaceship.

I barely told anyone this story that wasn't there that night because I have been embarrassed and ashamed. However nearly a year later I have had time to think about what happened and why it happened. Firstly when it happened it was 2012 and everyone thought it could be the end of the world. I didn't buy into it but a week before the trip i did a bit of research and it freaked me out a bit but I didn't think anything of it. But when i saw the ufo in the sky (indiana ufo july 4th i saw it the next day on youtube a bunch of people recorded it) it kickstarted this armageddon scenario it my brain that the exploded fireworks didn't help. It was so strong that I'm sure my friends would have been seeing other hallucinations but it pulled them into my experience to a t. The mind is highly powerful and it will create and manifest what your thinking about whether it be positive or negative. So i just want to reiterate no matter how experienced of a tripper you are it is direly important to get your mind in a care free loving space before a trip.
What my mind was thinking about that week became a reality before my eyes and thats why now I just focus on having love for everybody and everything. Its unfortunate but the worst trips can be the best lessons in life just like positive trips. Never before felt so awake. After not tripping for almost a year yesterday I finally got around to it and ate an 1/8th of some golden teachers. I thought i would never be able to trip again in the few days after the bad trip but i was wrong, I had to get my heart and mind in the right place to continue my experiences with mushrooms ( i don't do lsd anymore because of the loop). Sometimes i read threads where people that have bad trips take it out on the shrooms even when the problem is within head. I just wanted to give a point of view from another person that had a equally terrifying experience that still respects the mushroom/hallucinogenic experience .
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#46 TVCasualty

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Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:25 AM

I knew I had dosed stronger tabs previously then the 3 or 4 I started with so I thought the 8 would just bring me to a really nice visual experience. Prior to this I have tripped nearly half ozs of booms and around 5 or 6 white on whites and both of those times were the most beautiful eye opening experience of my life. So I figured this time will be no different, I never had a bad trip before so I didn't think it could happen to me.


There are several flavors of bad trip IME; some are caused by the drug inducing previously undiagnosed psychiatric issues, some are from deeply internal existential crises being brought kicking and screaming to the surface, and the rest seem to be due to failing to get away with breaking the "rules" of tripping (i.e. being careful about set, setting, dosage and who we're tripping with). Most people who report a severe psychedelic spanking also report having gotten away with breaking some or all of the rules many times before their luck ran out.

A whole lot of bad trip reports mention a similar story of big being nice in certain settings or with certain people, bigger being nicer, and biggest being oh shit I'm fucked. That goes mostly for public or semi-public contexts; manifesting an intense spiritual experience in a spatially and temporally-bound setting (such as a huge holiday gathering of drunks playing with explosives, or in a 7-Eleven, the ER, etc.) is bound to be a little stressful because we aren't very well suited to being in both worlds at the same time. And trust me, I am all too familiar with breaking the rules of tripping and by all rights I shouldn't even still be alive but I guess they protect as well as spank us so long as our heart is in the right place.

And that applies even if our goal for the night wasn't to get all spiritual because IMO taking a psychedelic drug is nothing less than a statement of Intent, and since a lot of people prefer to call them "entheogens" (meaning "god manifesting" or "god within") it strongly suggests that they possess a major spiritual component. So to consume a large dose is to declare a desire for a large (spiritual) experience and if it takes places in non-physical reality then as we can see from countless trip reports (both good and bad) we best prepare our physical reality very carefully.

Of course, all this is vividly obvious after we've had our Big Bad Trip but the hope is that someone who hasn't had one yet will take heed of the advice of those who have and be judicious in their breaking of the rules. In my case I could sense my more reckless trips getting edgier over time and could tell that I was playing with fire and I knew in my gut that my winning streak couldn't last forever so I quit pushing that envelope before I got my ass kicked. I largely credit that good fortune to listening real close to those who were more experienced with tripping than I was when they told me their jaw-dropping "seemed like a good idea at the time" horror stories. "Luck" is malleable, and the more we listen the better ours tends to get.

I quit playing dangerously with high doses of psychedelics while I was ahead and I hope others can learn from those who didn't and spare themselves the trouble, unless of course the experience is exactly what we need at that moment in our life but that's a whole different discussion. That's not to say I don't have the occasional viscerally-terrifying trip (you know, fun stuff like hanging naked by a thread over an infinite Abyss that makes thoughts of death feel like being wrapped in a security blanket in comparison) but those are not physical threats to my body that would manifest consequences that I'd be suffering long after the drug wears off such as broken bones, a big bill from the hospital, or pending criminal charges. In my case I don't consider scary (or even terrifying) but insightful trips "bad;" the bad ones are the kind that traumatize or hurt us with no corresponding beneficial insights or visions or whatever (all pain, minimal or no gain).

#47 dpwishy

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Posted 11 June 2013 - 09:26 AM

In my case I could sense my more reckless trips getting edgier over time and could tell that I was playing with fire and I knew in my gut that my winning streak couldn't last forever so I quit pushing that envelope before I got my ass kicked. I largely credit that good fortune to listening real close to those who were more experienced with tripping than I was when they told me their jaw-dropping "seemed like a good idea at the time" horror stories. "Luck" is malleable, and the more we listen the better ours tends to get.

I quit playing dangerously with high doses of psychedelics while I was ahead and I hope others can learn from those who didn't and spare themselves the trouble, unless of course the experience is exactly what we need at that moment in our life but that's a whole different discussion. That's not to say I don't have the occasional viscerally-terrifying trip (you know, fun stuff like hanging naked by a thread over an infinite Abyss that makes thoughts of death feel like being wrapped in a security blanket in comparison) but those are not physical threats to my body that would manifest consequences that I'd be suffering long after the drug wears off such as broken bones, a big bill from the hospital, or pending criminal charges. In my case I don't consider scary (or even terrifying) but insightful trips "bad;" the bad ones are the kind that traumatize or hurt us with no corresponding beneficial insights or visions or whatever (all pain, minimal or no gain).


+1

Very wise words,
experience doesn't come with just dose.
Proof is in those words.

I always admire your perspective tv,
I thank you for sharing it.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-wishy
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#48 Cabbit

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Posted 19 June 2013 - 06:40 AM

I really think more people should read and understand this. Thank you for sharing.

#49 paridox

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Posted 10 July 2013 - 12:45 AM

after going through this post i feel more comfortable to add that the last 2 times i have tripped i have had these thoughts and feelings come into mind where i either thought i was about to kill someone i loved or go on a rampage. I will go lay down and try to go to sleep while gripping my pillow and sweating, letting the trip wear off. I now know when i trip on some pans to start off in the .4g's and work up from there. Thanks again for the post.

#50 ConsciousFeeder

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Posted 10 July 2013 - 05:05 AM

dpwishy thank you for posting up this thread. I have never had this type of experience on anything but just reading the way you wrote it conveys the extent of the situation and how dire it actually was. I continually got goosebumps reading your post and the posts that followed. I am so very happy that no one was hurt you, your dog, your lover, or any of your loved ones. I can't fathom the mental strength it took to fight something so frightening. Typing that sentence brought back the goosebumps....

I have a friend that is convinced that he can will never have a bad time on hallucinogens because of his handful of low dose experiences. I have shown him several real life instances where bad things have happened to people from trips they couldn't handle, i.e. the MMA fighter that murdered his sparing partner, the teenager who shot himself in the face to end his trip among others. I will be showing him this thread here and I do really hope that he takes it to heart.

Something that I will always have is a babysitter who can man handle me into submission if things ever get to the severity of this trip here.

If you haven't shared this will your loved one I think that you should when your ready too. I think it will help the feeling of being bottled up going crazy. Share the good with the bad that's what makes relationships strengthen.

I know I don't know you but I truly hope that sense of going insane inside and wanting to crawl into a hole has been helped by hearing some of the people here in this thread. Just remember your not alone, and damn I am thankful for that.

#51 gremlinchode

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Posted 23 February 2014 - 06:26 PM

My first thought when reading this is that you may have "stepped outside of time".  It made me think of the "many wold's theory" of quantum physics. Source: Wikipedia  

If that is true I am very thankful that you awoke to a reality in which you did not do the things that you saw. 

 

The many-worlds interpretation is an interpretation of quantum mechanics that asserts the objective reality of the universal wavefunction and denies the actuality of wavefunction collapse. Many-worlds implies that allpossible alternative histories and futures are real, each representing an actual "world" (or "universe"). In lay terms, the hypothesis states there is a very large—perhaps infinite[2]—number of universes, and everything that could possibly have happened in our past, but did not, has occurred in the past of some other universe or universes. The theory is also referred to as MWI, the relative state formulation, the Everett interpretation, the theory of the universal wavefunctionmany-universes interpretation, or just many-worlds.

The original relative state formulation is due to Hugh Everett in 1957.[3][4] Later, this formulation was popularized and renamed many-worlds by Bryce Seligman DeWitt in the 1960s and 1970s.[1][5][6][7] The decoherence approaches to interpreting quantum theory have been further explored and developed,[8][9][10] becoming quite popular. MWI is one of many multiverse hypotheses in physics and philosophy. It is currently considered a mainstream interpretation along with the other decoherence interpretations, the Copenhagen interpretation,[11] and deterministic interpretations such as the Bohmian mechanics.

Before many-worlds, reality had always been viewed as a single unfolding history. Many-worlds, however, views reality as a many-branched tree, wherein every possible quantum outcome is realised.[12] Many-worlds claims to reconcile the observation of non-deterministic events, such as the random radioactive decay, with the fully deterministic equations of quantum physics.

In many-worlds, the subjective appearance of wavefunction collapse is explained by the mechanism of quantum decoherence, and this is supposed to resolve all of the correlation paradoxes of quantum theory, such as theEPR paradox[13][14] and Schrödinger's cat,[1] since every possible outcome of every event defines or exists in its own "history" or "world".



#52 Guy1298

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Posted 25 February 2014 - 05:16 PM

Truly I expect deeply evil-like thoughts when I trip. It's apart of the experience, what are you really? Maybe somewhere in there if you had the power you would torture the world. That's what I learned from my bad trips. 

 

So cultivate a different understanding. Don't wait for love, make it, and make a calm and a trust, be fearless. That's what I think. The trip makes you powerless, but you still possess a power, you just need to see through the puzzle. Of course I still have to trip a bit harder, just some of my thoughts. 

 

And don't believe the trip if it isn't right to believe it. When I say this I should add that thats an easy way to get shit on by what you believe is with you on the trip, but you should also be like that which is with you and know within yourself that it doesn't want you to believe in something that is wrong. Just saying. That's what I do at least, I'll blatantly reject what I'm shown and I'll know within myself that that which has shown it to me knows as well that I should reject it. 

 

But really I'll also add that when the fear hits me I don't know what to fucking do, I'm frozen just waiting for it to end. These drugs can really fuck me up. 


Edited by Guy1298, 25 February 2014 - 05:18 PM.


#53 darci

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Posted 03 March 2014 - 11:38 PM

The fear of having a trip like that has led me to forego mushrooms by themselves, since on mushrooms you can still get up and move around.

 

Today I take mushrooms combined with ayahuasca vine (chacruna leaves or dmt are rare for me) so that my body becomes too sick and numb to commit any physically coordinated acts.  I try to force down enough ayahuasca that I'm sure I'll be stuck to the floor like velcro.

 

This doesn't change what can go on in my mind... I might be thinking something scary, but fat chance I'll actually be able to do something about it until the experience is nearly over.  By then, I'm sure I will have changed my mind.

 

This is how I compensate for not usually having a sitter.


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#54 elfstone

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Posted 21 March 2014 - 07:53 PM

I just read through all these reports and must say that the major theme in them all is fear (anxiety), Fear clothes itself in many forms, but the essence is the same: Something terrible is about to/happening now/already happened which leaves one completely undone. It is the death/rebirth experience occurring without the benefit of the presence of compassion and loving awareness. The dog in dpwishy's first trip report was tuned in and offering the warm presence of loving awareness. Mindful breathing can assist one in riding these things out, and so can chanting, prayer, and singing. The traditional Mazatecan velada ritual is centered around the act of singing and praying by the curandera throughout the entire evening. It really is essential for guiding and directing the experience into the direction of the luminous dimensions. Without it, things can go dark very easily. The mushroom is sacred and must be approached with deep respect, or it may turn on you. Without the essential discipline, folks tend to run into this sooner or later.

That being said, it has been my observation that some species are more likely to result in these terrible experiences, particularly the Panaeolus cyanescens. I will not touch them for that very reason, nor cubensis, nor the wood lovers. The species with a long tradition of usage from Mexico, including the Ps. mexicana, Ps. zapotecorum, etc., are much friendlier by and large. The Mazatecan curanderos avoid cubensis; it turned on Terence McKenna in 1988 and he never ate it again.

The tradition is very ancient and wise and protects itself.
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#55 darci

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Posted 24 March 2014 - 11:26 PM

I was able to try some Mexicana maybe a year ago.  The experience was definitely different than cubensis.  There was none of that twisted random freaky brainscramble that I see to varying degrees on cubensis.  Instead it had an incredible sense of holiness to it.  Try and imagine being awake at midnight, christmas tree glowing little lights next to you, watching snow fall outside your window, and hearing a softly sung "silent night."  Or a sustained resonating mantra droning away in a temple.

 

It was awesome.  Cried tears of awe for small eternities...

 

http://www.youtube.c...NisotSt0jc#t=53



#56 elfstone

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 04:22 AM

That has been my experience as well. The mexicana are far friendlier and more serene than any of the other species I have tried over the past 40 years. I am about to explore the traditional zapotecorum from Huatla de Jimenez and will get back to everyone on this species as well. They are extremely potent, bruising black whoever they are cut or bruised. Anyone have experience with the zapotecorum species?

#57 Brendo

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 04:27 PM

^ https://mycotopia.ne...y/#entry1154261

ps not my report.

#58 dpwishy

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Posted 02 February 2020 - 09:46 AM

I just wanted to come back to this thread and revisit some things, I have come a long way with my path in the past few years, my past experience and trying to integrate. I wrote in this that some entity was trying to take me over, as thats what I was perceiving at the time. I projected this thing as something outside my self, but all along, that was me. Someone pointed it out earlier in the thread when this happened, i just couldn't accept it at the time.

I have come to a place where I have accepted I am murder, I am rape, I am the devil ect. These are all potentials inside of me because I am human. I no longer hide from the darkness that is inside humans but own it as a part of my own. I find true spiritual power in knowing these potentials exist inside me but not succumbing to them. What is morality when there is no choice? True morality is when both options are present.

 

It was humbling trying to go face to face with my shadow. Its changed me. I no longer outwardly talk about many of the things I used to, I now just try to be the embodiment of them and not say a word. Its all about action. Im sure most of you have noticed my signature has changed, I have been asked if its really me as my word structure and signature has changed. Its me. I am just present with another side of my self I always turned away from, rejected. I am starting to feel more whole and can see where this is going. I am excited for once to face the music, the self. Its been truly humbling and absolutely terrifying.

 

The main reason for this post was just to acknowledge, that wasnt an outside entity. That was me, that was us. As there is only one of us here....

 


Edited by dpwishy, 02 February 2020 - 09:59 AM.

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#59 RutgerHauer

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Posted 02 February 2020 - 10:32 AM

Glad you figured that out. I too have had an experience where I was convinced, or at least confused about this very phenomenon: that there were thoughts coming from benevolent entities outside myself, that tested me, I let "them" influence me, take over. It presented itself in this way, I perceived it that way. Like yourself I did not feel I was able to harm others because of it, but perhaps myself in an unintentional way. And in many ways I did harm my physical body because of the experience.

 

It took me a few years to come to the conclusion it were different parts of my psyche I wasn't familiar with, that I could only interpret as something else at that moment. The psyche is complex and has infinite potential. Some of the parts we keep hidden away so well that they can only come to us in the form of an outside entity. It makes a big difference to be able to embrace them as part of yourself. That it is all you - not god, nor the devil, not the alien, not the mushroom, not a spirit, not anything else that might be projected onto your perceptions. We are dragons, angels, demons, lions, kings, slaves, snakes, monsters and every entity possible - but it is all just a small part of our beautifully chaotic and complex psyche. None have exclusive control.

 

You are the whole works, embrace it all, and let wisdom decide what to express and how - a lot of it will come naturally from the hidden benevolent parts of our psyche, there is not much else to it than to just be, honestly.


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#60 dpwishy

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Posted 02 February 2020 - 10:42 AM

Glad you figured that out. I too have had an experience where I was convinced, or at least confused about this very phenomenon: that there were thoughts coming from benevolent entities outside myself, that tested me, I let "them" influence me, take over. It presented itself in this way, I perceived it that way. Like yourself I did not feel I was able to harm others because of it, but perhaps myself in an unintentional way. And in many ways I did harm my physical body because of the experience.

 

It took me a few years to come to the conclusion it were different parts of my psyche I wasn't familiar with, that I could only interpret as something else at that moment. The psyche is complex and has infinite potential. Some of the parts we keep hidden away so well that they can only come to us in the form of an outside entity. It makes a big difference to be able to embrace them as part of yourself. That it is all you - not god, nor the devil, not the alien, not the mushroom, not a spirit, not anything else that might be projected onto your perceptions. We are dragons, angels, demons, lions, kings, slaves, snakes, monsters and every entity possible - but it is all just a small part of our beautifully chaotic and complex psyche. None have exclusive control.

 

You are the whole works, embrace it all, and let wisdom decide what to express and how - a lot of it will come naturally from the hidden benevolent parts of our psyche, there is not much else to it than to just be, honestly.

Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom and experiences, its much appreciated.


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