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Time to make some self admissions and ask for feedback


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#1 Skywatcher

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Posted 27 March 2014 - 11:28 PM

It is time for me to make some admissions to myself, and ask for some feedback from my many friends here.

 

I have had a ripped up knee for 3 years now. The meniscus has torn so many times now the bones in my knee are worn off, and it dislocates and re-tears with very little warning or without much in the way of strain. It will tear if I do the slightest wrong movement. It has been years since I could kneel, or even sit on the ground. This is occurring more and more frequently now. It went out just last week, and now before it had a chance to really heal, again tonight.

 

 Medication has been the treatment the doctors prefer. I have been through extensive physical therapy in an attempt to strengthen the muscle around my knee, but this has not stopped it from re-occuring. I feel like I am being robbed of my ability to do the things I most enjoy because of fear it will do this when I am alone somewhere. No more long walks or hiking.  

 

When this happens, within minutes it swells to inflexibility, and the pain level is such that I cannot place any weight on it. With crutches and no more mobility than absolutely necessary, I will usually be able to walk again in 3 days.

 

The problem is the drugs..........

 

I can get by for pain with edible indica when it is not too bad, but not without the anti inflamitory's and muscle relaxants. I use the pain killers more often than the indica, truth be because I like them, and have a seemingly endless supply. Perhaps it is time for me to admit that I am addicted to the pain killers, and the muscle relaxants. It may have started years ago with a legitimate need, but now have become a daily. I have a pharmacy in my medicine cabinet, and switch constantly so i keep from a tolerance build up to any one.  I know part of this is psychological addiction, I have been prone to this, but I cannot go for more than a few days now, without insomnia ruling my nights, and I will give in and pick something.

 

I know the only way to fix this is to finally get the knee replacement surgery. I admit this scares me. I have people dependent on me and this would take down time. I know now there will never be a good time to do this, but I think I have waited long enough. I admit I am dependent on the mix of chemical coctail, and i want to stop the pain and mobility restrictions.

 

I suppose I just needed to say this so i quit denying i have a problem, but I would very much appreciate feedback from anyone who has had a knee replaced so I know what to expect. I have kicked addiction before, but it is the surgery that I fear, and I have no idea how long the healing process takes. If you have done this please share how it went, or PM me.

 

I know it is time to get off this opiate merry go round, My doctor has already acknowledged my dependence on the muscle relaxents, and expressed concern,  but like anything else i have too may ways to disguise my actual usage.

 

It is the feedback on the knee replacement i most need.  


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#2 wildedibles

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 01:53 AM

Your right there is never a right time for surgery.but your knee will not wait any longer ....everything will be ok while you heal maybe not perfectly but it will go Its your time to be taken care of buddy u have to take it soon

 

Hope someone can fill in what its like cause I have no idea just know its been holding u back .......

 

and about the meds hun u do need them I have felt my knee go out b4 but I was able to put it right back in it being out for days I couldnt imagine having to put up with that ...well my neck kinda goes out like this in a way dont feel bad for needing them they r stronger or better suited meds than weed sometimes

and if it is getting worse and worse u know where the meds go from there u need the knee fixed bud big hugs some times we need to take time for us even if it seems impossible it will work itself out :)


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#3 darci

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 05:03 AM

Don't take my advice.  I'm not a doctor.  I'm a med school dropout.

 

My mother had surgery on her spine.  They put metal and plastic in there.  She says her pain and mobility are worse, much worse since surgery.

 

I'd love to help her... but no diet, physical therapy, treatment, or ceremony is going to turn her into something other than the cyborg she is now.

 

My advice is to consider eliminating GMOs from your diet, try fasting, eat some shrooms, drink some ayahuasca, try reiki, acupuncture, massage, etc before you commit to something you can't undo.

 

I have been having pain in my knees (among other symptoms) even at 28 years old, and swear by the fact that if I remove wheat, corn, and meat from my diet, I feel much better.  Just try it.

 

My undergraduate dissertation was on genetic engineering.  Got a "D" because my professor was a proponent of that technology.  Everything I found which didn't come from the mouth of someone who would profit from that technology described a nightmare.  They call it "genetic pollution."  Don't buy it.  Don't eat it.  It's poison worse than poison, because it is spread throughout different species over many generations.

 

GMO food has been suspected (in my opinion, correctly) as the cause of many of the symptoms of autism, birth defects, multiple sclerosis, autoimmune disorders, arthritis, crohn's disease, infertility, allergic reactions, "brain fog", fybromialgia, thyroid disease, and many others.

 

The way genes are modified in organisms produces a lot of "collateral damage" to DNA.  DNA instructs ribosomes to create proteins, and when the instructions are all mixed up, you get all kinds of crazy Frankenstein stuff that our bodies don't recognize.  Often it will see these proteins as pathogenic invaders and turn your immune system into a police state, often identifying your own cells as the enemy.  No human organism can exist like this without breaking down.


Edited by darci, 28 March 2014 - 05:14 AM.

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#4 pharmer

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 05:43 AM

Don't let the dependency thing cripple you. There seems to be a big karma conspiracy out there that wants to make you feel like shit if you use drugs for legitimate pain issues. I know, I had migraines for decades and would have been useless two or three days a week if it weren't for legal and less than legal means. There's a big difference between somebody who has slid into opiate hell for no good reason and somebody who has slid into opiate hell for a very good reason.

 

Getting off the opiates isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I was doing a lot of vicodin and alternating with pod tea. Getting off the vicodin without a good long taper was ugly. With the taper it was very manageable. Alternating between vicodin and pod tea before beginning the taper also helped and switching to pod tea exclusively for the taper seemed to be the easiest route.

 

As for the knee thing - can you afford to isolate that joint for a month or so? Something like a metal brace that would severely limit range of motion so the parts actually get a chance to heal? It sounds like you've had plenty of medical assistance with this already so I'll be surprised if this modus hasn't already been suggested but....

 

I'm going to help my sister out for a couple days. She's just had a knee replaced, with a bunch of therapy, so I'll get a good close look at this while I'm there.

 

This sounds like one of those circumstances where inaction is worse than corrective action. What's the smart thing to do?


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#5 1967FordTitus

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 07:35 AM

Sky, as you know, I have had numerous surgeries, there is never a good time to have one, but your time is now. And I can empathize with you on the pain meds, it is not a dependency that is easy to break, but you are a strong soul, you can do it. I find it remarkable that even in your pain, you have the strength to care for others as you do, both at home and here. You are a special soul my friend, you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers, let me know if I can help in any way. Great healing vibes to you.

Edited by 1967FordTitus, 28 March 2014 - 07:36 AM.

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#6 Myc

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 08:22 AM

 

 

My mother had surgery on her spine.  They put metal and plastic in there.  She says her pain and mobility are worse, much worse since surgery.

 

 

Me too. Lumbar laminectomy/ Lumbar laminotomy - dual surgery in one whack. I feel better than I've felt for most of my life.

I enjoy a better than normal life today - pain free, opiate free, no desire for pain-killing herbs/medicines

Just wanted to share some "winning" surgery results.

 

I was terrified too Skywatcher. 

But the pain got to the point to which I could no longer bear it.

After the surgery there was a fairly long recovery period but I busied myself with light gardening. I would just get friends to help with mixing and heavy lifting.

It took 45 days to be cleared by the doctor to lift a gallon of milk.

A subsequent visit at 90 days showed the fusion to have taken wonderfully and I was cleared to begin training for cycling again.

It took me about a year to get back into "animal" shape but now, I'm stronger than most of my ride partners.

 

It's a journey

The promised land seems inhabited by giants until you finally march in and start busting heads.

Go for it and have that surgery. You'll be back on your feet in no time wondering what took you so long to make the decision in the first place.

 

As for the drugs......

I did have a real problem. I wish I could say it was easy - and it kinda was - but it kinda wasn't .......

I had to spend some time "kicking" (that involuntary - restless leg) for awhile. (Maybe a week and-a-half or so.)

Another trick I did was eating raw cannabis - major-league anti-inflammatory drugs are contained in shade leaves of male/female cannabis.

I also took the habit of taking my opiate meds along with a tbsp. of canna cooking oil. I just used a cough-syrup dose cup. It was my finding that the duration of the "bad" meds were enhanced, extended by consuming the oil. It also helps with the side-effect of constipation. After I had deemed the pain to be bearable and the "bad" meds were no longer necessary, they were disposed of never to be seen again. This is important - you gotta chuck 'em in the toilet or something else irreversible........or you'll be back rescuing them from the trash. Sad confessions of a helpless junkie.

 

Schedule that surgery and report back.

I'm rooting for you.


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#7 1967FordTitus

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 08:35 AM

I have to admit, being a bilateral amputee, and having a good amount of metal holding me together, I find the cyborg remark very offensive, and hurtful, especially when it is made in a thread where a caring soul such as Skywatcher is looking for insight into surgery. For shame! Your mother is still a human being, not a freak.
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#8 Guy1298

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 08:59 AM

My father had a knee replacement. He said it was the worst surgery he ever had done. He actually regrets it. (BTW he's had a few other major surgeries as well)

 

But your knee actually sounds much worse than what my dad's was before the surgery. I guess he had a choice between a knee replacement and having the knee rebuilt and he thinks it would have been better to get it rebuilt. His knee is still in pain (but he has some pretty bad arthritis).

 

I don't think he can really do too much with the knee, like he can't go down on it and push himself back up. I'm not sure if it gives out or anything. But he does get around at least. He's 66 now. 

 

I'd guess with better habits than my father has and some consistent physical therapy his knee replacement would have worked out better. 

 

1964, my dad actually calls himself a bionic man sometimes. Maybe we're just all falling apart (some of us don't realize it) and its a reason to laugh? (Of course I'm young and can't understand anything more than mild knee pain, back pain, chronic headaches, and the like.)


Edited by Guy1298, 28 March 2014 - 09:08 AM.

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#9 1967FordTitus

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 09:13 AM

Guy1298, I call myself all sorts of things, in humor, to deal with my situation, and to help others deal with theirs, but for a healthy young person to use such labels when referring to another human being is not good, IMOFO. Buzz, clunck, boing, click, I am not a cyborg, buzz, click, clink.

Edited by 1967FordTitus, 28 March 2014 - 11:41 AM.

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#10 Myc

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 09:28 AM

Guy1298, I call myself all sorts of things, in humor, to deal with my situation, and to help others deal with theirs, but for a healthy young person to use such labels when referring to another human being is not good, IMOFO.

 

You've made your point. Let's not get too far off-topic shall we? 

Forgive and forget.

Darci is not malicious - and I have about as much metal in me as anyone else. Wasn't offended in the least.

"I'm made of metal, my circuits gleam, I am perpetual - I keep the country clean"

 

Now, back to the useful discussion at hand......

Offering advice - personal experience related to surgery and prescription med dependency.

Skywatcher has humbly asked for our advice - let's help a brother out by staying on subject and dismissing our individual sensitivities.


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#11 Juthro

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 09:40 AM

I’ve got issues with disks in my neck that are crushed/collapsed.  And while surgery has been an option laid on the table for me, I must admit it scares the crap out of me.  I have suffered with pain and diminished mobility for a lot of years due to my fears.  I should say that while my fear of doctors and medical procedures is not quite a phobia, it is a little more than what would be considered average.  With that said, I’m not sure I’m the best one to give advice on that.

 

As far as having a monkey on your back, I can understand that.  I have an addictive personality, and tend to think if a little is good a lot is better.   Both pharmer and myc gave some really good advice on that subject IMO.  The parts about making it less painful by tapering down, and once you get to that point you can stop, getting rid of all temptation so habit doesn’t take the stuff for you.  Both of these have been vary successful strategies for me.

 

I don’t think I really answered any questions for you friend, but I want you to know that you have my support.  If there is anything I can do to help you, all you have to do is ask.

 

 

 

Peace and friendship,

Juth

 


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#12 1967FordTitus

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 11:45 AM

Guy1298, I call myself all sorts of things, in humor, to deal with my situation, and to help others deal with theirs, but for a healthy young person to use such labels when referring to another human being is not good, IMOFO.


You've made your point. Let's not get too far off-topic shall we?
Forgive and forget.
Darci is not malicious - and I have about as much metal in me as anyone else. Wasn't offended in the least.
"I'm made of metal, my circuits gleam, I am perpetual - I keep the country clean"

Now, back to the useful discussion at hand......
Offering advice - personal experience related to surgery and prescription med dependency.
Skywatcher has humbly asked for our advice - let's help a brother out by staying on subject and dismissing our individual sensitivities.
Myc, I am certain not offended by Guy1298's post! Blink, click, powering down, boink. I am not a cyborg. Model1967 out.

Edited by 1967FordTitus, 28 March 2014 - 11:47 AM.

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#13 darci

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 02:12 PM

My thinking was thinking more like Lee Majors, not Locutus.

 

leemajorshirtless.jpg

 

I'm sure you're a human being 1967FordTitus.

 

My mother, however, could be accurately described as the Borg Queen, not because of her metal parts but because she's an insidious, heartless, sinister, selfish, greedy, manipulative, abusive backstabbing bitch.


Edited by darci, 28 March 2014 - 02:18 PM.

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#14 Skywatcher

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 02:23 PM

I appreciate the feedback, the good and the bad equally. I know people have different results with knee replacement. My fear is that my experience in the past with any surgery has been less than optimal, and the last was catastophic where what should have been a 3-5 day recovery ended with a month of excruciating pain and dependence on a catheter from additional damage done during the procedure.

 

My insurance is not the best, as they seem to prefer to try every other conceivable quick fix option, besides what would directly work on the real problem. I think my doctor will back me as we really have tried everything else, braces included, and he has confided to me he will approve this, and refer me to a specialist as soon as i say the word go. My fear is opting for the surgery and having sub-par procedure and material used, and I would not know this until afterward, and I unfortunately read to many failure stories.

 

I am not getting younger, and I feel my immune system and ability to heal is still good now, so I do not want to procrastinate much longer. I would be ecstatic just to be able to sit cross legged on the ground again.

 

I really do not think I would be as bad getting off all these meds when the issue was corrected. I have overcome much worse addiction in my past. 

Darci , I have already drastically changed my eating habits, and agree with you that great benefit comes from this. Unfortunately nothing I do diet wise at this point will repair bone damage and repeatedly torn ligaments and tendons.

And Guy, I did not know there was any kind of rebuild option so I will now question this as a possibility as well. Thank you.

 

The encouragement from all of you helps. I just need a shove.

 

I need to talk with people who have gone the knee replacement route. I do not mind metal and plastic parts if it meant i could sit in the grass again, or swim in a river.


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#15 IMINMOLOKAI

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 03:33 PM

Skywatcher, ^^^^^^^

 

your last two sentences I like.  Talk to other people who've had this type of surgery.  Also, research the different types of knee replacements available.  Some are less invasive and have shorter recovery time.  Your primary doctor should be able to help you get started here but you should do much more research.

 

Few of us would buy a car without looking into the durability and reliability of said product.  Nor would we have an engine overhaul done by someone who didn't have a good track record and lots of experience doing this.  And if we want this car to have a long useful life, we'd want premium replacement parts used as well.

 

Your body is much more valuable to you than any damned car ever will be, so proceed carefully and become as close to an expert on this procedure as you can.  Choose the orthopedic surgeon based on as much "insider" information as you can acquire (try to talk to other patients of this doc, your Physical Therapist [I hope you've already been seen by one, and if not, it might be a good idea] and if you, your family or friends know anyone who works in surgery- get their opinion).

 

After all this- make your educated decision.  You will then be VERY LIKELY to be pleased with your decision, and outcome.

 

Hope this doesn't come off as too pushy.

All the best, IM


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#16 swine

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 03:49 PM

Some quick input /statements:

 

1. Psychological addiction is arguably worse that physical. When someone kicks painkillers... and relapses... over and over like many souls - it was the psychological addiction that did it. Dont ever underestimate it!

 

2. Dextromethorphan as well as some other drugs seem to reduce opioid tolerance when taken daily. It also supposedly helps a lot with withdrawal. So theres maybe a tool to help you get off/down. I know you are keeping your tolerance in check but if you have any...well, then youre probably in for a week a sweating at least no?

 

my 2c  / sorry if somene covered the above im in a rush just wanted to help when i saw the thread.

 

gluck traveler!

 

p.s: i know first hand about chronic pain.


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#17 Skywatcher

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 03:51 PM

Thank you IMINMOLOKAI,

Not pushy at all, sound advice. Yes I have been the route of physical therapy. After a month they refused to continue as they were making the situation worse. You cannot build and strengthen muscle when the excersises inflame at the least, and result in further damage at the worst.

 

I trust my doctor, and if he makes a recommendation or referral to a surgeon for this, I will have a place to start with researching that surgeons track record. I agree that if this is to be done, I do not want the cheapest route the insurance can locate, even if it must come out of my pocket. Shit, I am already without income, and over 25,000 in credit debt, whats a few thousand more?



#18 Skywatcher

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 05:11 PM

Today is not the day i will concern myself with the medications. It was a bad night, every movement a sharp reminder. I spoke to my doctor today. He refilled what I was low on and agreed to set an appointment for me to go over options. I cannot walk today anyway so Vicoden, Naproxen, and Soma are todays blend which helps.

 

You all seem to know about opiate dependancy. I do too, in many formats. I was addicted to raw opium for a year many ages ago, and methadone is not much better. Kicking was a necessity, and nothing I want to go through again. I justified the Vicoden, Codine, and Percoset as legitimate, which they were at one time, but I should have known better from past experience, but I used self deceit to get where I am today. I think what most concerns me is my dependence on the muscle relaxants. I use 3 or 4 different ones, sometimes mixed. Valium has been in constant supply now for over 15 years. I go for a few days without, but never a week without several days of use. Xanex and amplifiers like benadril get supplemented when they don't work as well from too many days use in a row.

 

I don't know why I am divulging all this, except that it feels good to tell someone. My own partner of 25 years does not even know the level of my dependance. I have said this before in other threads, but I am an expert at hiding all this from many years of practice. I can function fine in RL in spite of this. I just no longer want to feel I cannot function without my "helpers". Telling you all somehow feels like coming clean about it, and I do want to change this. I know it will not be easy, but i feel I have hidden this too long, and since I have been working on my self improvement, talking about it is in my eyes a first step to the onset of change.

 

Thank you for indulging me in this. If I was not so medicated today I do not know if i would be spitting all this out. You people know me better than most of my friends outside of this place. I suppose I want that to be true with all my faults as well.


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#19 1967FordTitus

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 05:22 PM

Hang in there my friend, if you need, you know how to reach me. Great healing vibes being sent your way. As always, you are helping others through your posts, and RL experiences, thank you.
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#20 BillyThKid

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 07:33 PM

I know the feeling of having your joints dislocate at random. I have been troubled with my knees going out day to day. There is pain but nothing is torn. just intensifying my RA more. pain management is hard but i manage with cannabis pills, lemon balm, and several others. 

 

 

I have to first say im not a doctor, but i know a bit about joints and connective tissues. Silica is now your new friend, the body uses it in the repair of connective tissues, especially the joints. A very, very good source of it is Horsetail which is a living fossil plant which produces spores like a fern, but is almost a reed.

 

It helps with healing, inflammation, pain, infections, calcium build up like kidney stones, heals broken bones faster, and much much more. Not to mention it is one of the coolest plants still alive from a few million years ago, 


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