It is time for me to make some admissions to myself, and ask for some feedback from my many friends here.
I have had a ripped up knee for 3 years now. The meniscus has torn so many times now the bones in my knee are worn off, and it dislocates and re-tears with very little warning or without much in the way of strain. It will tear if I do the slightest wrong movement. It has been years since I could kneel, or even sit on the ground. This is occurring more and more frequently now. It went out just last week, and now before it had a chance to really heal, again tonight.
Medication has been the treatment the doctors prefer. I have been through extensive physical therapy in an attempt to strengthen the muscle around my knee, but this has not stopped it from re-occuring. I feel like I am being robbed of my ability to do the things I most enjoy because of fear it will do this when I am alone somewhere. No more long walks or hiking.
When this happens, within minutes it swells to inflexibility, and the pain level is such that I cannot place any weight on it. With crutches and no more mobility than absolutely necessary, I will usually be able to walk again in 3 days.
The problem is the drugs..........
I can get by for pain with edible indica when it is not too bad, but not without the anti inflamitory's and muscle relaxants. I use the pain killers more often than the indica, truth be because I like them, and have a seemingly endless supply. Perhaps it is time for me to admit that I am addicted to the pain killers, and the muscle relaxants. It may have started years ago with a legitimate need, but now have become a daily. I have a pharmacy in my medicine cabinet, and switch constantly so i keep from a tolerance build up to any one. I know part of this is psychological addiction, I have been prone to this, but I cannot go for more than a few days now, without insomnia ruling my nights, and I will give in and pick something.
I know the only way to fix this is to finally get the knee replacement surgery. I admit this scares me. I have people dependent on me and this would take down time. I know now there will never be a good time to do this, but I think I have waited long enough. I admit I am dependent on the mix of chemical coctail, and i want to stop the pain and mobility restrictions.
I suppose I just needed to say this so i quit denying i have a problem, but I would very much appreciate feedback from anyone who has had a knee replaced so I know what to expect. I have kicked addiction before, but it is the surgery that I fear, and I have no idea how long the healing process takes. If you have done this please share how it went, or PM me.
I know it is time to get off this opiate merry go round, My doctor has already acknowledged my dependence on the muscle relaxents, and expressed concern, but like anything else i have too may ways to disguise my actual usage.
It is the feedback on the knee replacement i most need.