2154 replies to this topic

[kcmoxtractor]

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[Sidestreet]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

[Juthro]

Business

[kcmoxtractor]

braaaaaaaaaaaains

 

[Spooner]

braaaaaaaaaaaains

 

lolzombie.jpg

 

Mmmm... bacon wrapped meatloaf sounds yummie.

 

Now, a lesson on how to deal with an annoying boss or inspector.

 

https://www.youtube....h?v=rYms1YF7WeM

Edited by Spooner, 09 September 2014 - 09:59 AM.

[Mrs.Hippie3]

[Xerces]

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[kcmoxtractor]

 

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[kcmoxtractor]

 

 

 

 

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[kcmoxtractor]

lol, this might be the most skilled cat burglar ever!

 

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[TVCasualty]

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Edited by TVCasualty, 19 September 2014 - 07:26 AM.

[kcmoxtractor]

after the spinal tap reference in the WTF thread, i had to!

 

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[Alder Logs]

As the site says,Ïnsane people are the best....

Giant mutant Spider Dog Terrorizes at night..

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Well, I think Giant Mutant Spider Dog is an okay hoax, but Klepto Kitty is a real person!

[kcmoxtractor]

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That damn junkie was Robin those people, and there was nothing they could do.

 

 

Edited by kcmoxtractor, 25 September 2014 - 09:19 PM.

[Juthro]

[Mrs.Hippie3]

hahaha!! hilariously funny!! 

 

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[kcmoxtractor]

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[Spooner]

COURT REPORTERS MUST WORK HARD TO KEEP STRAIGHT FACES!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.  

 

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No…
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

 

 

 

 

[wildedibles]

I think that deserves the best laugh of the year :)

[kcmoxtractor]

HOLY SHIT!

 

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