Posted 04 October 2014 - 05:33 PM
:) That is one of the first things I do with a new puppie :) lmao
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Posted 13 October 2014 - 06:43 PM
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Posted 15 October 2014 - 09:19 PM
Posted 29 October 2014 - 01:45 AM
They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge.
I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again.
I gave her the money back; same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get- one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free."
"They're already buy-one-get-one-free, " she said, "so I guess they're both free." She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialled is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
I once worked at a building supply chain in Toronto. One day I had a terrific argument with a customer because he couldn't see how to fit a 12X11 carpet into an 11X12 room.
They Walk Among Us!
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Posted 29 October 2014 - 01:54 PM
The Things I Owe My Parents
1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE ..
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside… I just finished cleaning."
2. My Parents taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My Parents taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me."
6. My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My Parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper"
9. My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My Parents taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My Parents taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; you think I don't know when you are cold?"
20. My Parents taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My Parents taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My Parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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