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#1 Akari

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Posted 24 March 2015 - 11:31 PM

Anybody here ever had one?

I've been trying to get my gf to do one, and we can only fight about it. She's even had them before, but only with random people. She says being emotionally involved makes it difficult. But the fact that she's done it with all these other guys kills me. It's like she can fulfill their fantasies, but not mine.

I explained to her that in my mind, it's an experience to have with someone special. But to her, she said she just wanted to be used. She says she's working on it, but until it happens it just feels like they got to use my future wife and I don't. Other than this recurring fight, our relationship is perfect.... I just don't know what to do or say at this point.
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#2 pharmer

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 03:00 AM

Keep your mind open to the idea that she learned something about herself or threesomes in general and just plain doesn't want to go there anymore. People change over time. Interests change.  Values change.


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#3 SoCalR1Rider

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 03:07 AM

Another chic? )
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#4 -=Zeus=-

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 06:44 AM

Anybody here ever had one?

I've been trying to get my gf to do one, and we can only fight about it. She's even had them before, but only with random people. She says being emotionally involved makes it difficult. But the fact that she's done it with all these other guys kills me. It's like she can fulfill their fantasies, but not mine.

I explained to her that in my mind, it's an experience to have with someone special. But to her, she said she just wanted to be used. She says she's working on it, but until it happens it just feels like they got to use my future wife and I don't. Other than this recurring fight, our relationship is perfect.... I just don't know what to do or say at this point.

Do you put more value in fulfilling your fantasies, or in working to put your otherwise 'perfect' relationship ahead of your own desires?


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#5 Phineas_Carmichael

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:07 AM

Honestly, sex with more than one other person isn't worth it, ime. Too much divided attention...

Grandpappy Carmichael always said, "If you try to combine eating and talking, you'll end up doing neither very well."

Edited by Phineas_Carmichael, 25 March 2015 - 08:12 AM.
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#6 Akari

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:16 AM

I value my perfect relationship more. I was afraid of these kinda answers. Another chick is outta the question. It just really is torture to know she was used by so many other men, and fulfilled their fantasies but not mine. But I'm starting to understand, life isn't about fantasy and enjoyment. It's about suffering, patience, and endurance. Oh well.
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#7 Akari

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:17 AM

Honestly, sex with more than one other person isn't worth it, ime. Too much divided attention...
Grandpappy Carmichael always said, "If you try to combine eating and talking, you'll end up doing neither very well."

But you have done it Phineas?
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#8 drmcnasty

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:22 AM

I have done it on a few occasions and it ALWAYS goes wrong. You will find that if it actually happens the rules change and the situation is no longer in your favor. Also jealousy is going to be an issue on both of your parts. Unless you are trying to end your relationship I would recommend leaving this alone.
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#9 Phineas_Carmichael

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:30 AM

Honestly, sex with more than one other person isn't worth it, ime. Too much divided attention...
Grandpappy Carmichael always said, "If you try to combine eating and talking, you'll end up doing neither very well."

But you have done it Phineas?
Yes.

I would not recommend it for all the reasons drmcnasty pointed out above.

In a group of 3, there will always be 2 people doing something together while the 3rd tries to find something to do. Ever heard the phrase "3rd wheel?"

How would you feel if you convinced your girl to have a threesome & she spent most of the time with the other person? How would she feel if you spent most of the time with the other person? How would the 3rd person feel if you two spent most of the time together?

Threesomes are hard...
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#10 Akari

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:32 AM

Is it really so unfathomable that human beings can ascend past their raw animal stupidity to enjoy an experience? I won't be jealous at all. I'm only jealous because I have NOT been part of the experience.
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#11 Akari

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:34 AM

Look, she's done with them before. I wouldn't care about time management. that's half the point, to watch her with a girl. I don't know. Maybe this life just ain't for me. Just stick to expensive porn, and live my whole life with a hidden animosity for my lover? I guess that works for everybody else huh?

#12 Alder Logs

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:36 AM

There's so much charge in these situations, I think things often get strained.  Some folks are givers and some are takers, and most are both, somewhere along that spectrum.  It's more than what happens, it's what everyone involved thinks what happened. 

 

Yes, I have. 


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#13 -=Zeus=-

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:55 AM

Is it really so unfathomable that human beings can ascend past their raw animal stupidity to enjoy an experience? I won't be jealous at all. I'm only jealous because I have NOT been part of the experience.

Strong emotional feelings are not 'raw animal stupidity', and you are already jealous of things that occurred in the past that you weren't even involved in.  I've done the same thing before, more times than I care to recall.  It is rooted in insecurity, but as you go along in life you'll find you'll find that out for yourself.  


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#14 Alder Logs

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:59 AM

I'm a very secure person...

 

 

 

 

...I mean I am...

 

...aren't I?

 

:mellow:

 

 

 

This message brought to you by the HPPD Foundation. 

Working to help the innocent victims of Healthy Personality Personality Disorder.


Edited by Alder Logs, 25 March 2015 - 09:04 AM.

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#15 Spooner

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 09:07 AM

If you think you will be the center of attention you are mistaken.  

After awhile you will just be the dildo whose batterys ran down and they will play on without you.

 

P.S.  Assuming two women, never was interested in any dick but my own.


Edited by Spooner, 25 March 2015 - 09:16 AM.

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#16 Akari

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 09:08 AM

I'm jealous of these things BECAUSE I was not involved in them. Who wants their girlfriend to be used by other men ONLY, and with no benefit to yourself. I found a girl who is down with threesomes
FINALLY! But not with me!?

#17 Phineas_Carmichael

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 09:20 AM

...
that's half the point, to watch her with a girl.
...

And are you open to the flipside of that formula? Is "Akari, let's go pick up a random dude at the bar and fuck his brains out together. I want to watch you blow a stranger then fuck you while he licks your asshole," a phrase you ever want to hear from your partner? If the idea of inviting another dude into your bedroom revolts you, then you have precious little ground to stand on while asking her to let another woman in.

This is my major problem with straight men who try to plan threesomes. They want to watch their girl cheat on them, but only if another dick isn't involved...

True understanding and perfect trust are required between partners before any kind of kink can be explored. If one partner isn't comfortable with something it cannot happen.

A personal example: I enjoy being restrained. However, I can't enjoy myself unless I know the person in control knows me & how much I can take. I need to know that my partner knows me well enough to back off just a little before I need to drop the bell. I need to know that my partner will enjoy being in control as much or more than I enjoy being controlled.

Kinks are weird like that. They need much more talking about than standard vanilla sex. Have a frank and open discussion with your partner before asking a bunch of assholes (like me) on the internet. If you've already had that discussion and she says no, there's nothing us assholes can say to convince her.

Bottom line: If she's not into it, she's not into it. I can't make someone tie me up if they don't get off on tying people up. I mean, sure, they might do it for me, but they won't really enjoy it. I want my partner to enjoy everything we do together, not just do things with me because I want them to...

Edited by Phineas_Carmichael, 25 March 2015 - 09:22 AM.
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#18 Alder Logs

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 09:20 AM

 

Oh the jealousy

The greed is the unraveling

It's the unwraveling

And it undoes all the joy that could be...

 

~Joni


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#19 -=Zeus=-

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 09:30 AM

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#20 Alder Logs

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 09:32 AM

When I did it, my old lady (now ex) was only the most jealous along the scale.  She probably wasn't too keen on agreeing to let her old friend into the sack to start with, but she did.  I enjoyed the evening, as it was a nice bump for my ego and all.  But then, the old lady was pissed at everyone, and I, being somewhat empathetic, was sorry that not everyone benefited and went on with peaceful feelings. 

 

So, sorry it was.  I was never interested in taking that gamble again. 


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