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#161 Cue

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 01:07 PM

I had threesome scheduled for last night. Even though the girls canceled I still had a good time.

#162 TVCasualty

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 03:04 PM

Also while there was an interesting scope of perspectives displayed here I did notice that not one person affirmed Akari's desire to have a threesome. It should give us pause that the while many different reasonings were given for why Akari should resign himself to accepting the prohibition, pretty much every strain of "advice" offered in practice aligned quite well with the proscriptions of a monotheistic culture of normativity and psychological repression.

That's odd, I didn't get that impression at all from this thread. You sure you read all the posts?

 

And advising against a particular course of action does not mean that those who did are implicitly supporting the continuance of a patriarchal, monotheistic culture (one of those correlation vs. causation deals).

 

It's worth contemplating the Buddhist admonition that "all suffering is the result of ignorant desire." That is, just because someone wants something, it doesn't necessarily mean that their desire is not based on something pathological. Granted, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is, either.

 

Based on what's been posted in this thread, many commenters concluded -based on their own often-extensive personal experience in such matters- that his desire was based in a selfish urge for personal gratification and that such an approach to sexual relationships inevitably leads to the dissolution of those relationships (and they will probably be very ugly endings). Some of those commenters were thumb's-up about the idea of exploring a threesome in general (and already have themselves) but were thumb's-down on advising that Akari in particular pursue one until he gets his head right.

 

Or as "Bob" would say: "I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to."


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#163 Heirloom

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 03:47 PM

wisdom.

I am humbled,  that comment about Bob is funny because it is true.

 


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#164 Alder Logs

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 04:11 PM

I got Bob Dobbs on the first guess. 

 

If I hadn't been on a sub, I would have missed out on both parts of sub-genius.


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#165 Cybilopsin

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Posted 07 December 2015 - 07:07 PM

TVCasualty, I find it fascinating in this context that your signature is a Henry Miller quotation. I happen to be reading Sexus at the moment.

 

There is a person who never let anything stand in the way of his desires, and built a magnificent - though also somewhat terrifying - life on the basis of following them whereever they led him. True, he left a number of broken hearts in his wake, but also some amazing works of art that breathe with a life-affirming vitality and stand even today as an eloquent fuck-you to a dreary gray culture of militarism, stupidity, and mass misery.

 

Posessiveness in love is nothing that I care to celebrate, even if it leads to "rock-solid" relationships.

 

As for Buddhism: if our goal is to disappear into nothingness like a candle being snuffed out, then the first thing to go should be this stuffy devotion to a stable marriage.

 

If I come off as a bit hard-edged here its only because these ideas are remain subject to shaming and worse even in our supposedly emancipated culture.


Edited by Cybilopsin, 07 December 2015 - 07:11 PM.

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#166 Cybilopsin

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Posted 07 December 2015 - 07:29 PM

To clarify, my above suggestions towards Akari are more than a little rhetorical. My intention was to propose an alternative way of seeing things. Whichever way he goes, Akari will do no good if he doesn't make the decision on the strength of his own internal convictions. His only mistake was thinking that someone outside of himself could provide him with the clarity he desires.


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#167 TVCasualty

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Posted 08 December 2015 - 02:29 PM

Posessiveness in love is nothing that I care to celebrate, even if it leads to "rock-solid" relationships.

 
It doesn't, because possessiveness is contrary to love.
 


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#168 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 09 December 2015 - 06:10 PM

Posessiveness in love is nothing that I care to celebrate, even if it leads to "rock-solid" relationships.


It doesn't, because possessiveness is contrary to love.
TV, I could not have said it better...so I won't try.

This is the trouble in so many divorces today. The fact is if a man and woman who loved one another, and still respect one another have fallen out of romantic love can separate on good terms and respect for each other. Will there still be pain for what "might have been"? Sure.

And I speak from current personal experience.

Edited by SteampunkScientist, 09 December 2015 - 06:11 PM.


#169 darci

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Posted 18 December 2015 - 04:21 PM

I am curious why you would want to be involved in a threesome.  Rationally, I can't explain the impulse myself.

 

However, when really high on pot or shrooms I have felt willing to do many things.  The only weird thing is that if I imagined myself with more than 1 other person, all of the people I imagine myself involved with would be girls.  It's kinda unusual and yet curiously erotic in a forbidden-and-that's-what-makes-it-sexy kind of way.  But I'd say I'm pretty straight when I'm sober.  I dunno...

 

I just don't really have "fanatsies" like that.  Mostly I just want to be a part of something wholesome, trustworthy, strong, loyal, united, intelligent, beautiful, sharing, sexy, emanating incredible musical vibration and thundering cycles of motion whirling me around emotionally so that I feel like I am truly part of everything that is alive.  I want to become part of a whole greater than myself, to join and merge with someone who can carry me when I cannot.  To feel the spiritual completeness of finding a counterpart who I cannot control but am lucky because his power is aligned with my desires, and so I trust his long-term alliance.  He sees much of what I see, doesn't think I'm crazy or judges me for being weird or different.  Sex with anybody else would be just using them like one would some sort of appliance or dildo or something.

 

Yeah, I guess that's how I'd explain it.  Ah, heck I realize I sound like a freshman in art school.


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#170 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 19 December 2015 - 06:30 PM

Actually that was quite beautiful Darci, I would have to agree with you in that.
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#171 Cybilopsin

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Posted 20 December 2015 - 11:37 PM

Slavoj Zizek has a great story somewhere about what his ideal one-night stand or pick-up would be. He picks a girl up at a bar and they go back to someone's house. She brings her electric dildo that has a motor and can thrust itself. He brings his electronic robo-vagina that can be programmed to carious degrees of tightness, pulsating, whatever.

 

They plug in their toys and stick the dildo into the robo-vagina. Then while the robot sex toys are fucking each other, he and the girl chill out and talk about movies, have a cup of tea, whatever. He says you never know, maybe their hands accidentaly brush when hes pouring the tea or whatever, and they end up holding hands, or eventually maybe even end up in bed, or not. But the point they allow the sex toys to take care exactly this compulsory kind of sex where you use the other as a prop for your own masturbation which darci describes, so that they can actually have a real shot at getting to know one another as human beings.

 

I'm not sure I agree with him that once you get the fucking out of the way the sit-down at tea, one-on-one in some private enclosed setting, would lead to any 'truer', more intimate relationship (and knowing him, I doubt he believes that aspect of it either, really), but it's a funny thought.

 

By the way, I just checked and Akari hasn't logged in since mid-September... so...


Edited by Cybilopsin, 20 December 2015 - 11:44 PM.

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#172 TVCasualty

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 03:56 PM


By the way, I just checked and Akari hasn't logged in since mid-September... so...

 

That's what often happens when someone does not get the advice they wanted (which suggests it's more about validation than a desire for actual advice). It's probably not a coincidence.

 

 

I'm not sure I agree with him that once you get the fucking out of the way the sit-down at tea, one-on-one in some private enclosed setting, would lead to any 'truer', more intimate relationship (and knowing him, I doubt he believes that aspect of it either, really), but it's a funny thought.

 

 

I've heard a similar perspective, e.g. even if you have sex for two solid hours per day, every day that that leaves 22 hours per day that has to be filled with something else (so to speak). Taking off 6-8 hours for sleeping, and 9 for work and such and we're still left with 5-7 hours of either good companionship or awkward silence (which is often "addressed" by ingesting alcohol).

 

So, we might as well look for someone we're reasonably compatible with in terms of intellect and personality. That's real hard to come by (so to speak) and most people don't seem to have good impulse control so end up in relationships that can make their lives a drama-filled mess. Ultimately that's MUCH more annoying than enduring the patience needed to find/meet the right kind of person. As I've heard it said (and can attest to it's truth): "The only thing worse than being alone... is wishing you were!"

 

Ideally there's a balance between bangin' everybody we meet (because when all is said and done, that's really the only way to eliminate the sexual tension between us and someone we find attractive) and being so selective that nobody measures up. A potential cure for that issue is keeping in mind that the one common thread that runs through ALL of our failed relationships... is us. And if we can't ever seem to get anywhere at all in that respect then it may be that we're proactively-failing our potential relationships. One very common way we proactively-fail is by our thinking "they're out of my league!" and so not even trying.

 

But like Justin Halpern's dad says with characteristic bluntness, "That woman was sexy... Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them." 

 

And sure, in many if not most cases either the person we're interested in will not be similarly interested in us, or else we'll get to know them better and realize that we're not so interested in them after all.

 

But like Rumi pointed out:

 

"It is only one eye of the net that catches a bird,

But if you make a net of only one eye,

you will never catch a bird."

 

I guess that means if we haven't found what we're looking for (or think we're looking for; that one fucked me up real good for over a decade), we should keep looking. And if we find a good prospect, when the time is right why not relax, stash the sex toys, and "get to know each other better?" If it doesn't work out, move on.

 

This stuff reminds me of a hilariously-titled Margaret Cho comedy video that speaks for itself: I'm the One That I Want (meditate on that, lol...)


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#173 rainbowsmurf

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Posted 26 April 2016 - 04:24 PM

If your girl says no, respect it.

 

The past is just that sunshine, time to leave the fantasy where it is and concentrate on finding fantasies you can both enjoy and build on that. 


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#174 av8or

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Posted 04 July 2018 - 10:46 PM

An interesting read for sure, and many great lessons to be learned. Deserves a bump up for others that might have missed it.  :blush:


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#175 wildedibles

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Posted 05 July 2018 - 08:39 AM

If your girl says no, respect it.
 
The past is just that sunshine, time to leave the fantasy where it is and concentrate on finding fantasies you can both enjoy and build on that.


ya theres always role playing, public places ......

#176 Turdly81

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Posted 02 November 2018 - 03:59 PM

I'm sorry.

Edited by Turdly81, 02 November 2018 - 04:06 PM.


#177 PJammer24

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Posted 02 November 2018 - 04:09 PM

Since this thread has been revisited.....

 

I haven't read the entire progression of the conversation but I can confidently say that nothing good can come from adding someone else to the mix... It never goes as planned and the person that is more important to you ends up getting hurt...

 

This is especially true if you look at the third person in the mix AT ALL.... No matter how you look at them or how little attention you give them, there is only one way that it will be perceived....


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#178 Turdly81

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Posted 02 November 2018 - 11:18 PM

You are reminding me a lot of my X husband. Jeez I'm glad hes my x. He hurt my feelings so many times over this shit.

Sent from my LG-LS997 using Tapatalk

#179 Soliver

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Posted 07 November 2018 - 03:50 PM

Whatever happens between consenting adults is ok by me - but the consent part is tricky.  I've yet to meet any couple with a successful "open" relationship - I'm not saying it doesn't happen, or couldn't happen, I just don't think that humans are biologically wired for it. 

 

Experimentation with third parties are generally a bridge to a split - better to just make a clean and respectful break so everyone can make eye contact in the future, IMO.

 

And that's coming from a deviant.  Just sayin' ...

 

:)

 

soliver


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#180 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 07 November 2018 - 07:25 PM

Threesomes would probably work for those times when three horny people at some party or something what to get it on. It's likely not for a relationship in most cases. But there are people who say they are polyamorous. There is even a Meetup group for them in many cities.

Whatever... But if there is one on one relationship, that seems like it would be difficult. Perhaps cultural change will eventually mitigate this. Or evolution.

Edited by SteampunkScientist, 07 November 2018 - 07:26 PM.





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