I plan to add a bit more here, but for right now, this is exactly how I feel dealing with bipolar disorder type I right now:
I cruise along and think I'm fine
I feel the waves and the sunshine
I lose myself and feel the tide
I feel your presence at my side
I feel no rush and think I am glad
And yet something still makes me sad
I feel it's someone else's stride
And I am just along for the ride
I could be fine and yet I strive
As though I'm tumbling down this endless hole
I know I'd like to lead my life
Feeling that I'm really in control
I will look on as time just flies
Content that I never ever might be whole
I feel so down and yet would rise
But I'm too scared that I might fall
I remember the day I tried
To remove the thorn in my side
I wanted to retain it all
I should have known it was your call
In the end I got it all
Got it all wrong
Much too desperate
To hang on
It was the day I lost it all
Lost it all
It was the day I lost control
When I lost control
When I lost control
Read more at http://www.songlyric...GTRUtVGmFsEa.99
I feel depressed, but not cripplingly so. However, the way I feel, and have felt for months, isn't exactly "GO GO GO! Endless energy!"
It's a bit of up and a bit of down. A bit of "I want to rise high" and a bit of "I know that I can't rise too high or I'll be ill and out of control, and back in a hospital again."
But this song really is beautiful and catchy and upbeat...
And it explains exactly how I feel.
How torn I am.
I could go either way. I want to rise high, but I'm scared of going too high, so I try to mediate everything. Mediocraty isn't cutting it, though. I feel I have enough energy and drive to do something great, but at the same time, I am concerned that "doing something great" might be "Illness".
Maybe some of you can relate.
I plan on updating this soon with more information/thoughts.
I know I'm not the only one here dealing with this. I feel this strongly. I've been thinking of posting this song and the lyrics for a week now so... Let me go ahead and post the damned fucking shit, aye?
Comments and questions welcome.