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Time for fresh pants...


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#1 Phineas_Carmichael

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Posted 11 April 2015 - 10:48 PM

I am an hour from the end of a shift at my petrol station when I notice a police car parked in the shadows around the corner of the building...

I immediately run through all my alcohol & cigarette sales through the evening. Nope. I carded everybody who needed carded... Nothing to fear...

I then patted my pockets. Perhaps something "untoward" rode into work with me... Nope. I am thankfully clean as a whistle.

I know I shouldn't be worried; I know the entire force & have given them discounted car washes for years, but my asshole is clenching something fierce. 25 minutes later I have a severe case of swamp ass.

There has been a man in the parking lot with a flat tire waiting around an hour for his family to bring him a spare. They're just about finished switching tires and the nice redneck couple who happened by 5 minutes ago are shining their giant truck lights on the tire being replaced.

As soon as the flat vehicle is fixed and on the road the cop in the shadows blasts out of my lot and after them. 2 more squads & a K-9 unit appear from out of nowhere just down the street.

Poor bastard... :(

Edited by Phineas_Carmichael, 11 April 2015 - 10:50 PM.

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#2 Juthro

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Posted 11 April 2015 - 11:08 PM

Better them then you Phin, but I am sorry for anyone under the hammer of the law.

#3 mycowarrier

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Posted 11 April 2015 - 11:29 PM

The canines will ofcourse alert to something in the truck.

An open container ticket will at least pay for the time they spent with tax payers money! Geez

 

And what country boy aint got i few beer cans in the truck lol



#4 Alder Logs

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Posted 12 April 2015 - 12:23 AM

Thank God I'm a country boy!



#5 Phineas_Carmichael

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Posted 12 April 2015 - 08:14 PM

Update:

Talked with last night's watch commander a few minutes ago & burned my security camera footage for him.

Turns out this guy was wanted in the next town over for heroin trafficking and some B&E/assault/false imprisonment. While he was waiting for his tire to come he got some food at the bar next door & some other customer recognized him from the local "crime times" mag.

For those of you who don't have this, "crime times" is a weekly newspaper which publishes every mug shot and bench warrant in the surrounding counties. People eat it up... At my store it is delivered on Wednesday morning and the whole stack is sold by Friday night. I make $45 profit a week on this shadenfreude. Grrr...

In any case somebody recognized him from the paper and called him in. The cops decided to "spawn camp" & catch him on the road because I've asked them not to turn their lights on in my lot if they can help it. Nothing kills business like cherries in the lot...

Turns out, this guy was not the guy the customer at the bar thought he was. It was just some random guy passing through town with no warrants and nothing illegal in his car. They need my footage to cover their asses, hoping he stashed something illegal in my bushes or something.

I might be subpoenaed to testify in an upcoming racial profiling case... Not sure how I'll handle it. On the one hand, these guys are cops & I don't willingly help cops. On the other, many of these guys are my "over-the-counter friends" who I see every day for Mountain Dew and sunflower seeds. (Cops LOVE sunflower seeds)

I enjoy a certain immunity in this town because of that. The last 3 times I've been pulled over for minor traffic violations the first words out of the cop's mouth were,"Oh, it's you, Phin. What's up?" I've even had to remind them to run my ID!

It sucks, but it never hurts to cultivate a relationship with the local piggies...
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#6 TurkeyRanch

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Posted 12 April 2015 - 08:26 PM

Well, seems you're between a pig and a hard place. . .

Some cops are human, others are not, but most turn feral at the scent of blood. It is a very good idea to maintain a good relationship with your local LE, you want them to think of you as "a good one" not "a suspect".

I would be as unhelpful as you can be, while still appearing to be very helpful. Your smart as hell, you can do that very well I suspect.

I wave at my local police helicopter that flies my property and county cop that drives my road from time to time. They wave back, hopefully they just remember me as that weird farmer guy with emu and tons of chickens, and an unusually large number of sunflower plants in his yard. . .

Edited by TurkeyRanch, 12 April 2015 - 08:47 PM.

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#7 Phineas_Carmichael

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Posted 12 April 2015 - 08:45 PM

It's all about protective coloration. I learned from my father, who was a master.

He was the funeral director in our small town and, as such, commanded a great deal of respect from the community & especially the local bacon brigade. Think about it; you're a small-town cop & every time someone is dead you don't quite know what to do. Then here comes Mr. Carmichael saying, "All right. You get her feet, I'll get her shoulders. We'll get this done & get you back on patrol."

They didn't even suspect that he smoked pot every day right under their noses for the 30-some years he lived there! I've even rolled (verb choice is no accident here ;) ) with him on death calls we had no business being on!

So yeah, protective coloration is no problem for me. I've just never been subpoenaed before. I guess if they pay me for missed work & feed me lunch I'll gladly say things like, " I see around 300 people a day, I can't remember this guy."
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#8 mycowarrier

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Posted 12 April 2015 - 08:48 PM

Update:



Turns out this guy was wanted in the next town over for heroin trafficking and some B&E/assault/false imprisonment. While he was waiting for his tire to come he got some food at the bar next door & some other customer recognized him from the local "crime times" mag.

For those of you who don't have this, "crime times" is a weekly newspaper which publishes every mug shot and bench warrant in the surrounding counties. People eat it up... At my store it is delivered on Wednesday morning and the whole stack is sold by Friday night. I make $45 profit a week on this shadenfreude. Grrr...

 

Oh yea the bounty hunters hand guide to wanted felons!

I read them sometimes when my beer is wrung up.

Most of them seem to be for failure to appear or child support or minor drug offenses.

 

Terrible people out lol! Watch out!


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#9 TurkeyRanch

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Posted 12 April 2015 - 08:51 PM

You got it. I was a firefighter and paramedic for a long time. I get the blending in. . .

"I can't remember"

"I wish I could be sure, but I am not"

"I recall it being blue, not yellow, or maybe blue, I don't know"

"I was distracted, that is not familiar, I am so sorry."

Say enough without saying anything at all.

Edited by TurkeyRanch, 12 April 2015 - 08:53 PM.

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#10 Alder Logs

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Posted 12 April 2015 - 10:04 PM

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

 

 

 

[Direct Link]


Edited by Alder Logs, 12 April 2015 - 10:10 PM.

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