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Stupid laws we love to disobey!


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#21 mycowarrier

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 04:36 PM

In Colorado the grocery stores only sell 3.2% beer - if you want the real stuff you have to go to a liquor store. 

 

On Sunday, the liquor stores close, so if you didn't stock-up, or if your asshole buddies drank all your stuff, you have to drown yourself in 3.2% beer, which is almost like trying to get a buzz from a case of Shirley Temples.

 

Overall, all of the Sunday / X-ian / Alcohol consumption laws that exist in most states get on my fucking last nerve.  Separation of church and state, right?  If I wanna carve gnostic runes on my back in the mirror and smear cigarette ashes mixed with everclear into the cuts on Sunday ... why shouldn't I be able to run to the local booze shop at 10am to stock up?

 

I've been camping in many, many states & driven to the local gas-n-go on a Sunday, only to find that you can't buy beer on a Sunday or (better but lame) not until after noon ... grrr ....

 

:)

 

soliver

Yep i know what ya mean Sol!

In a county near here me and some other winos were waiting on a sunday for the crack of noon to buy some beer!


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#22 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 05:00 PM

When I first came to Washington, it was illegal to stand up in a bar or tavern with your drink or beer.  If you wanted to move from the bar to a table, the bartender had to carry your drinks for you and your friends.  Think of all the souls that must have saved.


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#23 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 05:24 PM

I would be remiss if I did not include Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation as one I love to disobey!



#24 Soliver

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 05:41 PM

When I first came to Washington, it was illegal to stand up in a bar or tavern with your drink or beer.  If you wanted to move from the bar to a table, the bartender had to carry your drinks for you and your friends.  Think of all the souls that must have saved.

 

At least that one makes SOME sense .... to senseless drunks, but sense to someone  :)

 

I'm not sure if it's still the same, but SC had this odd liquor law wherein all mixed liquor drinks came with an airplane bottle - so if you ordered a gin & tonic, you'd get a tonic and an open airplane bottle of gin - sometimes they'd toss it in for you. 

 

It makes weird sense, if you think about it - at least that way you know for sure what you're getting when you slap $5.00 on the counter for a beverage.

 

It was weird doing shots - everyone would get a shotglass and an airplane bottle of their booze of choice.  I sorta hope it's still that way ...

 

:)

 

soliver



#25 TVCasualty

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 06:53 PM

In Colorado the grocery stores only sell 3.2% beer - if you want the real stuff you have to go to a liquor store.

 

 

That reminded me of a joke a friend in college used to tell a lot. He was from Ireland and was rather disappointed in our beer (solved by introducing him to decent microbreweries).

 

"Why is American beer like sex in a canoe?" He'd ask with a surly liquor buzz on.

 

"No idea. Why?"

 

"Because they're both fuckin' close to water!"

 

He's mostly right, but in my experience trying to have sex in a canoe generally results in fuckin' in water (don't grab the gunwales!!!).

 

 

Overall, all of the Sunday / X-ian / Alcohol consumption laws that exist in most states get on my fucking last nerve.  Separation of church and state, right?  If I wanna carve gnostic runes on my back in the mirror and smear cigarette ashes mixed with everclear into the cuts on Sunday ... why shouldn't I be able to run to the local booze shop at 10am to stock up?

 

 

And the ultimate irony about those laws is that Jesus would've been arrested in Colorado if he'd tried that "water into wine" trick there without written authorization from the ABC board. Self-righteous busybodies and assorted pinheads can eat hot death as far as I'm concerned. Let us pray: "Oh Lord, please deliver me from your followers!"

 

What gets on my nerves even more than the stupid laws (since I'm mostly used to living in a world of stupid laws at this point) are the proactively-obedient sheeple who look at me like I'm from another planet when I set some beer on the counter before noon on a Sunday (or anytime on Sunday in the truly fucked-up places) as if everybody knows that you can't do that.  Well, sometimes I'm on the road and don't know that your state has that fucked-up law. Or sometimes I'm at my usual store and didn't realize it was Sunday (happens a lot; I was once rather frustrated by finding everything closed one morning when I was motivated to get shit done and it turned out that not only was it Sunday, it was Easter Sunday! I mean, how the fuck could I have known that?!).

 

Or they look at me like I'm a Godless heathen-alcoholic or something since I guess it's inconceivable to them that I'm not going to slam all the beer I just bought as soon as I leave the store or whatever (as if that would be any of their business anyway). One clerk even raised her eyebrows and made an under-her-breath comment about how strong of a liquor I was buying. I tried to (but quickly gave up) explain how alcohol is alcohol and when mixing it into cocktails, using less of a higher-proof liquor makes them tastier -but exactly the same strength- as when using lower-proof alcohol (e.g. a bit more than half a shot of Bacardi 151 is the same as a full shot of regular rum).


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#26 coorsmikey

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 07:00 PM

Montana Law: Bozeman: You must not perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, or if you are nude.

I prefer to mess around in my front yard in the daylight anyways.
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#27 TVCasualty

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 07:01 PM

Almost forgot...

 

Many years ago (more than I care to count) I was with my family flying across the country and discovered that Utah is the tallest State in the U.S. (by far!). Did you know that Utah extends to about 40,000 feet in altitude? It did at the time at least, since as soon as we entered Utah airspace we couldn't even buy the little airplane liquor bottles. A short time later we exited Utah airspace and could order a drink again. :deadhorse:


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#28 happy4nic8r

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 07:51 PM

How about in Oregon you CAN'T pump your own gasoline. Have to have an attendant do it.

 

Some gas jockeys are better than others, but where did that come from anyways?

 

Used to have to pay extra for full service.



#29 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 08:55 PM

I always tell the pump jockeys in Oregon that we, across the Columbia River, are all checked out on the technicalities of gas pumping. 

 

I got my wings at the cheapest gas station in Pasadena, CA, during the gasoline price wars of the late '60s.  It was a six island Shell station at the corner of Colorado Blvd, and San Gabriel Blvd.   I worked 56 hours a week, minimum wage, no overtime.  Nine hours a day from Monday to Friday, and eleven hours starting at noon on Sundays.  Man, that sucked. 


Edited by Alder Logs, 24 April 2015 - 08:56 PM.


#30 Spooner

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:00 PM

Almost forgot...

 

Many years ago (more than I care to count) I was with my family flying across the country and discovered that Utah is the tallest State in the U.S. (by far!). Did you know that Utah extends to about 40,000 feet in altitude? It did at the time at least, since as soon as we entered Utah airspace we couldn't even buy the little airplane liquor bottles. A short time later we exited Utah airspace and could order a drink again. :deadhorse:

 

 

Have another sip, but do not operate any heavy machinery until morning.  

Your plane may have been at 40.000 feet but not Utah.  Everst is just 29.029 feet.

It is more likely that the problem was strict Utah Liquor Laws.

Mormons are not fond of strong drink.


Edited by Spooner, 24 April 2015 - 09:02 PM.


#31 Soliver

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:10 PM

 

I got my wings at the cheapest gas station in Pasadena, CA, during the gasoline price wars of the late '60s.  It was a six island Shell station at the corner of Colorado Blvd, and San Gabriel Blvd.   I worked 56 hours a week, minimum wage, no overtime.  Nine hours a day from Monday to Friday, and eleven hours starting at noon on Sundays.  Man, that sucked. 

 

Oh Shit!  That was YOU?

 

What can I say - it was a rough patch in my life.  I was confused.  Sexually. 

My only outlet was taking advantage of random gas-station attendants too tired from

working 60 hours a week to notice, until it was too late, that my fluids were not, indeed,

low ....

 

Fortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered a 12 - pack program that enlightened me and

rescued me from myself - too late for you boys, but ... all I can do is offer my apologies.

And maybe a candy-bar.  If you'll just step over here behind the dumpster. 

 

:)

 

soliver


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#32 Soliver

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:16 PM

 

Or they look at me like I'm a Godless heathen-alcoholic or something since I guess it's inconceivable to them that I'm not going to slam all the beer I just bought as soon as I leave the store or whatever (as if that would be any of their business anyway).

 

 

If I get any funny looks, I enjoy telling the cashier that my kids just won't settle down at night until they've slammed back a dozen or so cans of domestic swill ... "my little girl bitches like hell if I don't get the light beer, but my boy likes his heavy.  Kids these days!"

 

:)

 

soliver


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#33 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:36 PM

Soliver, you son-a-bitch, you just never let up, do you?

 

Skywatcher, he's pickin' on me!


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#34 Skywatcher

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:45 PM

Soliver, you son-a-bitch, you just never let up, do you?

 

Skywatcher, he's pickin' on me!

Sorry Alder, if I wasn't still laughing so hard, I could maybe see the edit buttons, but don't hold your breath.


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#35 Soliver

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:47 PM

Soliver, you son-a-bitch, you just never let up, do you?

 

"You have reached your quota of positive votes for the day"

 

Sorry Alder ... for some reason, deranged responses sometimes activate the pleasure centers in my brain.  It's all in good fun. 

 

Except that time when I was talking about eating you.  Nothing personal.  I'm protein deficient ...

 

:)

 

soliver


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#36 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:49 PM

Well, I will just have to glory in flaunting my ample supply of Likes. 

 

Good protein tip here: eat your heart out!



#37 Spooner

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 09:50 PM

 

 I enjoy telling the cashier that my kids just won't settle down at night until they've slammed back a dozen or so cans of domestic swill ... "my little girl bitches like hell if I don't get the light beer, but my boy likes his heavy.  Kids these days!"

 

  

My oldest sister used to con new babysitters with, "Our parents always give us a beer before bedtime"  

And if she was having  hard time selling that she would add "We share it of course."



#38 TVCasualty

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Posted 25 April 2015 - 12:04 PM


 

Have another sip, but do not operate any heavy machinery until morning.  

Your plane may have been at 40.000 feet but not Utah.  Everst is just 29.029 feet.

It is more likely that the problem was strict Utah Liquor Laws.

Mormons are not fond of strong drink.

 

 

You're thinking about the mountains in Utah, which are of average height for mountains I guess. I was talking about the legal abstraction named "Utah," which is apparently a really tall rectilinear cube, not a flat square. 



#39 TVCasualty

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Posted 25 April 2015 - 12:10 PM

How about in Oregon you CAN'T pump your own gasoline. Have to have an attendant do it.

 

Some gas jockeys are better than others, but where did that come from anyways?

 

Used to have to pay extra for full service.

 

You're under-utilizing the fullness of the service, though with the laws changing the dynamics of "full" service in the sense I mean probably are, too.

 

It's the same in New Jersey (no self-service), and while visiting a friend in that state some years ago we were heading somewhere in his car and he stopped at three different gas stations before we got out of town because it wasn't until the third that he found an attendant who still had some decent weed for sale. He was also the most laid-back attendant, which was noted for future reference.


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