For most of my years I have smoked pot to get an uplifting feeling. My mood improves dramatically, so much so that to experience life without it seems almost like some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.
But lately, perhaps the last couple of weeks whenever I've been smoking my mind has been turning to deep, dark ideas which leave me feeling very exiled, as if I have been living the recent months of my life on some shadowy alien world where my vibration and identity cannot exist except in a significantly altered state. The familiarity of being a human, being me, and being home have fled.
I look at the history of the world, the recent times, I feel the recent problems of our global culture and I just shudder with sadness at how much the mood of things has changed since not very many years ago. The world felt like a different place then. Yes, there was bad news but the danger was miles away. Right now I feel like I'm in the predator's mouth.
I don't know why I've had such an awareness of this lately. I hope it subsides. But part of me tells me that the reason we are living in a world that feels very shitty at the moment is because we have been neglecting our duty to try and work toward a better world, not fearfully scramble to gather as much as we can before some kind of time limit runs out.
I want to get back to living. I want to see people who matter to me. I want to have fun, and feel secure enough to plan into the future. But right now it seems like something is very, very wrong.
Sorry for talking this way. I do try to stay positive. I'm looking for good vibes.