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Pot and dark thoughts


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#1 darci

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Posted 30 November 2015 - 02:42 AM

For most of my years I have smoked pot to get an uplifting feeling.  My mood improves dramatically, so much so that to experience life without it seems almost like some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.

 

But lately, perhaps the last couple of weeks whenever I've been smoking my mind has been turning to deep, dark ideas which leave me feeling very exiled, as if I have been living the recent months of my life on some shadowy alien world where my vibration and identity cannot exist except in a significantly altered state.  The familiarity of being a human, being me, and being home have fled.

 

I look at the history of the world, the recent times, I feel the recent problems of our global culture and I just shudder with sadness at how much the mood of things has changed since not very many years ago.  The world felt like a different place then.  Yes, there was bad news but the danger was miles away.  Right now I feel like I'm in the predator's mouth.

 

I don't know why I've had such an awareness of this lately.  I hope it subsides.  But part of me tells me that the reason we are living in a world that feels very shitty at the moment is because we have been neglecting our duty to try and work toward a better world, not fearfully scramble to gather as much as we can before some kind of time limit runs out.

 

I want to get back to living.  I want to see people who matter to me.  I want to have fun, and feel secure enough to plan into the future.  But right now it seems like something is very, very wrong.

 

Sorry for talking this way.  I do try to stay positive.  I'm looking for good vibes.

 

- Darci


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#2 Coopdog

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Posted 30 November 2015 - 03:26 AM

The world is a very strange place right now if one is paying attention, and it seems you are. Chaos reigns supreme and it is truly some dark and frightening times. Manifest something better and do what you can to improve your immediate circle, That is all we can do on a personal level. Try to be the positive that you think we need to have to make a difference. Strange times we are living in...


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#3 prof_it_e

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Posted 30 November 2015 - 07:25 AM

Hey Darci; slippery slopes I guess. Personally the pot thing didn't work out for me so much so I'm tempted to point a finger at that, and can relate to Graham Hancock when he says "I am not putting down or disparaging cannabis or those who choose to use it. The “Green Bitch” in the title of this article is not cannabis itself but the abusive, self-indulgent relationship, entirely my own responsibility, that I had developed with the herb." (In Giving up the Green Bitch).

 

I do still have a lot of respect for the plant though and juicing the leaves, eating the seeds, using its oil to heal etc. are things I like to use it for. But there's that and there is the way things are going in the world ~ not good. Being vegetarian trying to be vegan adds another dimension of difficulty when your eyes get opened to the immense amount of heavy stuff going on involving animals. I don't have any answers but what I can say I am trying is putting myself first, as selfish as that sounds, I just don't see how I can achieve anything by feeling crippled by fear and despair. It comes with a condition though and that is if I am putting myself first I need to commit to that, and that means trying to keep myself healthy; simply put; eating good food, avoiding bad food, and doing as much exercise as possible.

 

The upside of putting yourself first is allowing yourself to not pay too much attention to the flavor of the week according to the media. To also help letting that go I spend some time trying to comfort myself that as horrible and painful as stuff seems to be there is a place for it ~ to doubt that everything makes sense no matter how senseless it seems means giving up on whatever it is that you think is in charge of all this ~ which hopefully is something divine and something you shouldn't ever give up on. I comfort myself with the fact that the problem isn't what I am seeing, the problem is that my eyes are too inadequate to see things completely, properly. Anywhoo, just some thoughts, hope they help, hope things start to feel better soon for you.


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#4 Alder Logs

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Posted 30 November 2015 - 11:17 AM

My relationship with pot changed in my late 20s.  This is not uncommon.  THC lowers the glucose in the blood and this affects the brain's functions.  Because I loved all the good years I had with pot, it took me years to respond to the fact that it no longer was making me feel good and stop hitting that J when it came by.  It was communion with my friends, but I would get into a darker space soon after that hit. 

 

The brain runs on glucose, lots of it.  If the pot is making you make insulin, all the candy in the world isn't going to get the job done.  Insulin makes sugar into glycogen which is the form the body uses to store it.   The liver and muscle tissues will get it, not the brain.


Edited by Alder Logs, 30 November 2015 - 11:21 AM.

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#5 TVCasualty

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Posted 30 November 2015 - 11:19 AM

This was pretty interesting: Loneliness May Warp Our Genes, And Our Immune Systems

 

Cole noticed that when people felt lonesome, they had significantly higher levels of norepinephrine coursing through their blood. That could explain all the other immune changes that happen when people suffer from social isolation.
 
In a life-threatening situation, norepinephrine cascades through the body and starts shutting down immune functions like viral defense, while ramping up the production of white blood cells called monocytes. "It's this surge in these pro-inflammatory white blood cells that are highly adapted to defend against wounds, but at the expense of our defenses against viral diseases that come from close social contact with other people," Cole says.
 
At the same time, lonely people seem to be shutting down genes that would make their bodies sensitive to cortisol, which lowers inflammation. That ramps up the defensive inflammation response, Cole says.
 
Loneliness would hit the switch on a defense plan our bodies initiate in the face of mortal danger, Cole thinks, if isolation is somehow truly lethal. "At this point, my best guess was that loneliness really is one of the most threatening experiences we can have," he says. "Though I didn't think of loneliness as being that awful. It's not pleasant, but not something my body should be getting all up in arms about."

 
So it appears that we can make the world look a lot darker by isolating ourselves from it, and it will feel darker because isolation apparently causes us to reflexively manifest the high-stress fight-or-flight response. But since there is no specific threat to focus on in this context, we're just stuck with the stress and no way to alleviate it.
 
Granted, there was some really peculiar unbased speculation in it, like this claim:
 

When humans were evolving in a prehistoric environment, they banded together for food and for protection.
 
To be ostracized from your tribe was a death sentence, says Charles Raison, a psychiatrist at the University of Wisconsin, Madison who did not work on the study. "Literally they would die. There was no human way to live in isolation," he says.

 
That's a weird claim. But in any case the good news is that this type of research points to a relatively easy way to mitigate the harm caused by excessive isolation. 
 
 
Also, some strains of cannabis are unbalanced in terms of their THC/CBD ratio. Super-potent, overly-inbred strains tend to be very high in THC but very low in CBD, and that's been linked to panic attacks and temporary psychosis/extreme paranoia.

Edited by TVCasualty, 30 November 2015 - 11:21 AM.


#6 darci

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Posted 01 December 2015 - 11:04 PM

You know, I think the recent events in Paris have left me in a bad state.  I cried for days after that.  Felt like 9/11 all over again.

 

I'm feeling a little better now.



#7 wharfrat

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Posted 02 December 2015 - 12:04 AM

you are not alone Darci, I worry about the people who can go through life without sympathy. Glad you are feeling a lil better, I also occasionally have the same experience while using MJ, I think the mj just heightens the feelings or emotions we are already going through. Big hugs :hug:


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#8 TVCasualty

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 02:37 PM

You know, I think the recent events in Paris have left me in a bad state.  I cried for days after that.  Felt like 9/11 all over again.

 

I'm feeling a little better now.

 

Oh, well that's just the normal human empathy and compassion that we usually have to suppress in order to function in what is arguably a very fucked-up world.

 

It would be pathological to never empathize with the pain and suffering of others; for the hyper-sensitive (i.e. those of us who have a very hard time suppressing our emotional response to such events enough to function in the daily grind) it becomes one of the heavier rocks we end up carrying around in the metaphorical bag o' rocks we are each assigned to carry through life.

 

Striving for "joyful participation in a world of sorrows" is certainly easier said than done, but we apparently have no other choices beyond that, sorrowful participation in a world of sorrows (no thanks, though I end up there occasionally), or a sociopathic degree of apathy (no thanks to that one, either though I end up there occasionally, too).

 

I figure if a friend of mine who was so horribly abused as a child that she ended up having to shoot and kill her parents in order to survive what would have otherwise been a fatal beating (after enduring ~14 years of nearly-daily beatings and whippings) can achieve that degree of joyful participation (it's always a work in progress) then anyone can (she's my massage therapist now and I'm guessing she's the best one I've ever had because she's one of the few people I've ever met who is more intense than I am; I've never had to kill anybody, fortunately (yet), was never physically abused, and actually got to have a decent childhood).


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#9 Alder Logs

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 05:16 PM

Well, let's hope she never rubs you the wrong way.

 

Seriously though, the empathy we might have out of personal identity is the empathy that hurts the most.  It's hard to endure for long.  Identification with suffering is suffering. 

 

As Paul Hedderman puts it (about seeing through the programming and conditioning from which we form our believed in identities, or the story we tell ourselves of who we are) once it is seen that we have mistakenly taken ourselves for the story we made up about us, we "travel lighter." 

 

Seeing pain and injustice, one can still find empathy and maybe even more compassion, if one doesn't take it all on, personally.  When one frees oneself from the bonds of personal identity, one frees everyone at that instant.  If we are truly not who we think we are, then no one else is either.  I cry at movies too.  But all emotions are passing through.  I have emotions, I am not those emotions.


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#10 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 08 December 2015 - 10:28 PM

Or...

Perhaps we have a lot more control than we allow ourselves to think that we do. If indeed there are an infinite number of parallel quantum worlds, and there is much evidence that there are... Then perhaps we can go to this other side and choose the world we want to live in.

Ultimately we must ask ourselves " is the world in this state (or just a stage) and I am mearly a player? Or am I the one who built the stage and wrote the play? Can I write a different play?

If the world is out of balance, then that is what you or I perceive. what we must do is put us in balance. The world will follow suit.

Edited by SteampunkScientist, 08 December 2015 - 10:29 PM.


#11 Saphroziac

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Posted 18 December 2015 - 09:05 AM

Man, I can't do Marijuana. 

I suffer from depression and anxiety and all it does is amplify them. My mind is not under any "Normal" control while I spin out in that trip. 

It's extremely brutal, and I don't like it. Maybe one day my brain chemistry will change and it won't fuck me every time I do it. 

It's kind of funny because I can take huge hits of DMT and eat large doses of LSD or Mushrooms and be ok.  But the Marijuana high just fucks me up so hard every time. It's insane.

I have not experimented with it very much, but I think if I smoked it alone and just listened to music in my apartment of something it would not be as brutal.

It's kind of funny really.  :weedpoke:


Edited by Saphroziac, 18 December 2015 - 09:07 AM.

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#12 TVCasualty

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Posted 18 December 2015 - 08:05 PM

Man, I can't do Marijuana. 

I suffer from depression and anxiety and all it does is amplify them. My mind is not under any "Normal" control while I spin out in that trip. 

It's extremely brutal, and I don't like it. Maybe one day my brain chemistry will change and it won't fuck me every time I do it. 

It's kind of funny because I can take huge hits of DMT and eat large doses of LSD or Mushrooms and be ok.  But the Marijuana high just fucks me up so hard every time. It's insane.

I have not experimented with it very much, but I think if I smoked it alone and just listened to music in my apartment of something it would not be as brutal.

It's kind of funny really.  :weedpoke:

 

I've had that reaction for varying lengths of time too. It's definitely no fun at all for those periods.

 

So far I've managed to just smoke through 'em, but that's the brute force/blunt object (so to speak) approach. Not sure if that helps make that particular reaction diminish or if I'm just masochistically obstinate about burnin' one at the end of the day. Or maybe the beginning. And sometimes the middle.



#13 Alder Logs

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Posted 18 December 2015 - 08:29 PM

Could be just your pancreas getting old too.



#14 Guy1298

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 12:28 AM

I think there is a way to look at the world closely and happily, but I also suspect it is sometimes close to insanity. 

 

It's probably a lot easier to just turn your eyes away occasionally, shift focus, there are billions of people. We can devote our attention to relationships that make us and the people around us well, divert our attention from others. It isn't our responsibility to own the world. We just softly touch the soil.


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#15 TVCasualty

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 04:07 PM

Could be just your pancreas getting old too.

 

 

But then I guess it got younger again since that problem went away and hasn't returned the past few years.



#16 Saphroziac

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Posted 01 January 2016 - 02:56 PM

Marijuana is such a brutal experience for me. 

It's like having an ego death experience mixed with paranoia, fear, and hallucinations. 

I've given weed plenty of chances and I don't think it's working for me. 

This last time it made me feel like such a scumbag, it ruined my night. 

It is not for me.


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#17 Juthro

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Posted 01 January 2016 - 10:21 PM

I feel for you Saphroziac.

But it works wonders for helping take the edge off of my chronic pain. Every one is different though, I for instance have an intolerance to opiates, they make me break out it hives in higher dose's.

Edited by Juthro, 01 January 2016 - 10:22 PM.


#18 Alder Logs

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Posted 01 January 2016 - 11:12 PM

Nothing seems to be the one-size-fits-all for everyone.  I loved pot for years, and then... 



#19 azure7

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Posted 02 January 2016 - 08:53 AM

At the least, sounds like your body-mind may be telling you its time to take a break from the canna ... 


Edited by azure7, 02 January 2016 - 08:53 AM.


#20 CatsAndBats

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Posted 13 January 2016 - 12:32 PM

Nothing seems to be the one-size-fits-all for everyone.  I loved pot for years, and then... 

Same here, didn't smoke for 15yrs, now it's 99% of what I do now. Alcohol is my own enemy. 






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