22 replies to this topic

[niemandgeist]

We've already got a thriving "What Music are You Listening To Now" thread.

 

How about a...

 

What Music About Your LIfe/Past (With Discussion) can you share with us? What's the story?

 

thread?

 

I have a diagnosis of Bipolar type I disorder. It's a serious mental illness that about 1% of 2% of the world has.

 

This song pretty much encapsulates the gist of bipolar disorder:

 

***********************************************************************************************

 

Assemblage 23 --- "Bipolar"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

I haven't felt so alive in years
The sun is shining down on me
My eyes are welling up with tears
Tears of joy, tears of ecstasy

Emotions I once kept concealed
Now flow freely like a river
Life's great mysteries revealed
Love's great promises delivered

I hate my life, I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die

The landscape rises to meet my feet
The sky descends to fill my arms
For once I finally feel complete
For once I know I can't be harmed

All I know is light and love
I feel that I could live forever
While others' troubles seem to grow
I have no problems whatsoever

I hate my life, I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die

The epiphany that came to fall
Finally helped me reconcile
What I felt wasn't joy at all
All this time it was just denial

I hate my life, I want to die
I was just pretending all this time
A mask I wear so I don't bare
My soul to the cold, harsh world out there
Try to prevail but only fail
Each time on a grander and grander scale
My life is worthless and so am I
I hate my life I want to die

 

My Story:

 

 

Probably the most traumatic part of having bipolar disorder, and I've never spoken about this here on the forum before, is that I was institutionalized for 3 months in a state-operated long-term mental health treatment facility.

 

When they showed it to my parents (I was 17) they showed them the mansion part of the hospital. It really was on beautiful land surrounded by parks, nature, lakes, and it had a really freaking nice mansion with lots of fireplaces in it and stuff.

 

Yeah, I NEVER got to see that or even stay in it.

 

The place was some kind of shitty rundown and abandoned summer camp.

 

We had NO therapy, group or individualized whatsoever to speak of.

 

It sucked.

 

Because I was a minor at the time, the State took custody of me. My parents couldn't get me out if they tried (and they did).

 

A few months before I was admitted there there was a death. Because staff fucked up and put one teenage girl into an improper hold she choked to death.

 

I have LOTS of stories about that place and others, but I figure for now that'll be enough.

 

Do YOU have a song that tells a story about your life from your present or your own past? You can be as specific or as vague as you wish.

 

Just keep in mind to keep your privacy intact here! It's cool to share, but don't share TOO MUCH!

 

I don't wanna be the ONLY person posting in this you know!

 

It can be serious or silly!

 

Music reminds us of things from our own present lives or from our past.

 

Let's post some cool tunes that tell a story about all of us, eh?

Edited by niemandgeist, 02 March 2016 - 05:21 PM.

[prof_it_e]

Hectic story niemandgeist, that sounds like a terrible time in your life. Reminded me of a movie called suckerpunch. And a bit more vaguely of another movie called Jacobs Ladder. That Assemblage 23 track reminds me of a past life as well, when I used to go to clubs etc. I even dj'd for a while, in fact my wife & I even opened a nightclub, if you could call it that - I was a bit young and naive, spent a lot of time and money scratching an adolescent itch. One of my favorite memories from way back then was playing Skinny Puppy - Convulsion at one of the clubs, and because the dance floor was empty bolting down there from the dj box to freak out / dance, I mean like hurt myself dance. Nothing quite like playing stuff like that really loud with a smoke machine and strobes going full bore. Sensory Overload. Anyway. The album that track is from is very deeply etched into the memory of my past and listening to it now even takes me somewhere very else. It's not really a very pleasant place and it takes a lot of strength to get through it. Sort of meaning of Life stuff, with words like despair and suffering flying like sparks off a world made of iron as an angle grinder gets taken to it. *shudder*

 

Here's the live version which has a bit of an extended intro. Why not huh, what's the rush?

 

[Direct Link]

[coorsmikey]

[Direct Link]

There's mosquitoes on the river
Fish are rising up like birds
It's been hot for seven weeks now
Too hot to even speak now
Did you hear what I just heard?

Say, it might have been a fiddle
Or it could have been the wind
But there seems to be a beat now
I can feel it in my feet now
Listen here it comes again

There's a band out on the highway
They're high-stepping into town
It's a rainbow full of sound
It's fireworks, calliopes and clowns
Everybody's dancing

Come on children, come on children
Come on clap your hands

Sun went down in honey
And the moon came up in wine
You know stars were spinning dizzy
Lord the band kept us so busy
We forgot about the time

They're a band beyond description
Like Jehovah's favorite choir
People joining hand in hand
While the music plays the band
Lord they're setting us on fire

Crazy rooster crowing midnight
Balls of lightning roll along
Old men sing about their dreams
Women laugh and children scream
And the band keeps playing on

Keep on dancing through to daylight
Greet the morning air with song
No one's noticed but the band's all packed and gone
Was it ever here at all?
But they kept on dancing

Come on children, come on children
Come on clap your hands

Well the cool breeze came on Tuesday
And the corn's a bumper crop
And the fields are full of dancing
Full of singing and romancing
The music never stopped

[LiveShareDie]

How to sum up something that vast and varied?

 

A quote comes to mind, though:

"...and there wasted his substance with riotous living."

 

So:

 

Bauhaus - Third Uncle 

[Direct Link]

 

And:

XTC - Complicated Game

[Direct Link]

 

"I ask myself should I put my finger to the left, no 
I ask myself should I put my finger to the right, no 
I say it really doesn't matter where I put my finger 
Someone else will come along and move it 
And it's always been the same 
It's just a complicated game 

A little girl asked me should she part her hair upon the left, no 
A little girl asked me should she part her hair upon the right, no
I said it doesn't really matter where you part your hair 
Someone else will come along and move it and it's 
Always been the same 
It's just a complicated game 

A little boy asked me should he put his vote upon the left, no 
A little boy asked me should he put his vote upon the right, no 
I say it really doesn't matter where you put your vote 
Someone else will come along and move it 
And it's always been the same 
It's just a complicated game 

They wanted Tom 
They wanted Joe 
To dress 'em up and stick 'em out on show 
They were arrows in a very bad aim 
It's just a complicated game 

God asked me should he ought to put his world on the left, no 
God asked me should he ought to put his world on the right, no
I said God, it really doesn't matter where you put your world 
Someone will come along and move it 
And it's always been the same 
It's just a complicated game"

 

But, it wasn't as bad as all that...I was blessed, in many many ways.

[niemandgeist]

Hectic story niemandgeist, that sounds like a terrible time in your life. Reminded me of a movie called suckerpunch. And a bit more vaguely of another movie called Jacobs Ladder. That Assemblage 23 track reminds me of a past life as well, when I used to go to clubs etc. I even dj'd for a while, in fact my wife & I even opened a nightclub, if you could call it that - I was a bit young and naive, spent a lot of time and money scratching an adolescent itch. One of my favorite memories from way back then was playing Skinny Puppy - Convulsion at one of the clubs, and because the dance floor was empty bolting down there from the dj box to freak out / dance, I mean like hurt myself dance. Nothing quite like playing stuff like that really loud with a smoke machine and strobes going full bore. Sensory Overload. Anyway. The album that track is from is very deeply etched into the memory of my past and listening to it now even takes me somewhere very else. It's not really a very pleasant place and it takes a lot of strength to get through it. Sort of meaning of Life stuff, with words like despair and suffering flying like sparks off a world made of iron as an angle grinder gets taken to it. *shudder*

 

Here's the live version which has a bit of an extended intro. Why not huh, what's the rush?

 

[Direct Link]

 

Ooh! Skinny Puppy!

 

I had a few albums that I would listen to during the many long months I'd be in-and-out of short-term mental hospitals.

 

I also listened to Skinny Puppy a lot, as well as many other goth/industrial bands when I was in that long-term state-run mental hospital.

 

There's just something about those genres of music that speak to a conflicted past.

[niemandgeist]

This song reminds me of the last time I was hospitalized, back-to-back, over a period of about one month in the Summer of 2008.

 

I'd been with my ex, the lady you can see in my avatar/user icon.

 

I'd been heavily abusing psychedelics and pot and beer and other stuff for way, way too long.

 

I'd been with my ex at that time for 4 years. It was mostly good.

 

Then I had a truly epic and terrible manic/psychotic episode.

 

The actual story of that will be told in another thread, as I plan to start typing/talking about my experiences living with bipolar disorder and past drug abuse.

 

Anyway...

 

This reminds me of when I got out of the hospital. I was in there about a week, was discharged, and spent time with her. She felt just, so, so distant.

 

I recall walking her home in the rain at night. She was silent. I was delusional. I was still sick.

 

Then I was re-admitted less than a week later for another 2 weeks.

 

This song is about when I was out finally and went to an intensive day program, where I'd be transported to a program with group and individual therapy for 5 hours a day 5 days a week. I was in that place for almost one year.

 

So yeah.

 

She THOUGHT I was DEAD.

 

Yep. I went missing for a few days. Clothes of mine were found near a lake that's not safe to go into.

 

Everybody thought I had died.

 

"Took too many drugs and took a dip" is what most people close to me thought.

 

It wasn't until about a week when I was in that mental hospital and could actually consent to have the hospital contact my family that people realized I WAS STILL ALIVE.

 

Yeah. It was fucked up.

 

So I can only imagine her heartache. I remember her and her family telling me she didn't eat, didn't sleep, just sat in her room mourning my loss.

 

And you can't even comprehend just how much I suffered locked up in that place, slowly, SLOWLY coming back to baseline on medications and becoming somewhat "normal" again.

 

This song is the story of my suffering and her suffering, and how I tried to show her things were better, but to her I was already dead anyway.

 

I felt as though I was just repeating myself. No matter what I did, no matter how much I progressed --- stopping all drugs and alcohol intake, doing well, being back to my old self... It just didn't matter to her at the time.

 

I was just repeating myself.

 

 

King's X --- "Repeating Myself"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

She sits in the window
And stares into space
And takes in the feeling
She'd rather be no other place
He works on the things
He believes will make everything good
While he tries to be open
But feels that he's misunderstood

But I'm repeating myself
Just repeating myself
I'm repeating myself
Just repeating myself again

Is an answer there to see
Is the forest already in the tree

Most days she can't wait
To see if the sun will come out
And other days she wants to wait
'Till it's behind a cloud
While he walks beside her
Afraid to be thinking aloud
And all he wants to do is to show her
But she is too proud

But I'm repeating myself
Just repeating myself
I'm repeating myself
Just repeating myself again

Will they find it in the breeze
In the forest
In the trees
Will they see into each others' eyes
In the morning
In the night

But I'm repeating myself
Just repeating myself
I'm repeating
I'm repeating
Just repeating
Just repeating
Myself

I'm repeating
Just repeating
I'm repeating
Just repeating

Edited by niemandgeist, 03 March 2016 - 03:46 PM.

[niemandgeist]

Here's another one, which relates to my being released from my back-to-back mental hospital admission in the summer of 2008.

 

And it's also about my "graduating" and being discharged from this intensive outpatient aftercare program after those hospitalizations.

 

At that time I'd been off of medications for almost 10 years.

 

I didn't think that I was actually bipolar.

 

But then I was on medications and was doing so well going to this fucking therapy program 5 days a week for 5 hours a day.

 

I was doing GREAT!

 

But nobody fucking cared.

 

My family didn't trust me because of my years of drug use and lying.

 

My ex was done with me at that point.

 

I was all alone.

 

It was fucking frightening.

 

But I was going back to college to finish my degree and I was finally rediscovering who I really fucking was.

 

But then, after a long, long, LONG many months, "she", my ex, started to see that I was changing as well.

 

THIS is the song that encapsulates it all.

 

King's X -- "I just Want to Live"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

I'm stepping outside again
I'm afraid but it's wonderful
I'm feeling the air again
It feels cold but it's lovely
I feel in touch with myself again
I'm afraid but I'm wonderful
'Cause I can stand on my own again
And I can see that it's lovely

I just wanna live
I just wanna live again
Yeah I just wanna live
I just wanna live again
I just wanna live again

I'm learning to cry again
I'm afraid but it's wonderful
I'm taking time for myself again
I feel some pain but I'm dealing

I just wanna live
(Stepping out let the new begin)
I just wanna live again
(Stepping out in the rain again)
Yeah I just wanna live
(Let it fall I can feel the wind)
I just wanna live again
(Stepping out by myself again)
I just wanna live again
(Stepping out by myself again)

He's stepping outside
It's a little bit scary but it's wonderful
She's stepping outside
It's a little bit scary but it's wonderful

He's stepping outside
It's a little bit scary but it's wonderful
She's stepping outside
It's a little bit scary, a little bit scary

I just wanna live
(Stepping out let the new begin)
I just wanna live again
(Stepping out in the rain again)
Yeah I just wanna live
(Let it fall I can feel the wind)
I just wanna live again
(Stepping out by myself again)
I just wanna live again
(Stepping out by myself again)
Live again
A little bit scary

 

Edited by niemandgeist, 03 March 2016 - 03:54 PM.

[niemandgeist]

This song perfectly describes my last few manic/psychotic episodes. I've got bipolar type I disorder. It's a pretty serious mental illness, but so long as I stay on my medications I am 100% fine. I can also have the occasional mushroom experience without worry. As a matter of fact, occasional cube experiences HELP my condition.

 

This song really is meant to describe my manic/psychotic experience that I had in 2008 in Summer when I was a missing person, presumed dead, for many days.

Yeah... I've been through a LOT of fucked up crazy shit, BUT...

 

This song shows that it isn't always all that bad! It was a very spiritual, almost religious experience. My last few manic/psychotic episodes have been like this, fortunately they're few and far between, though!

 

I was manic and psychotic in a beautiful botanical gardens area before I went missing. This is why I like this song. It tells the spiritual/religious part of that story with soothing music and vocal harmonies so you know it wasn't scary or "bad".

 

King's X --- "The Difference (In the Garden of St. Anne's on the Hill)

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

I walked through a garden in the morning
I walked right into a change
No words were spoken
Just a feeling

And I cannot explain
But I can feel the difference
I can feel the difference

Wind it comes and it blows
Where it comes from
I don't know
To look for a reason might just kill it

And I cannot explain
But I can feel the difference
I can feel the difference

I can feel the difference
I can feel the difference
I can feel the difference
I can feel the difference

And I cannot explain

[Jrotten]

I saw skinny puppy once. Kinda. A buddy and I got 3 joints from a guy. Smoked one on the way in. Absolutely no idea what it was laced with but it was visual beyond belief. About halfway through the show we kinda came to just to see the singer start to diembowel himself on the stage. Really strange night all around...

[niemandgeist]

Here's another song that reminds me of my manic/psychotic episode in 2008 when I was a missing person and presumed dead (after a thorough police search, too) for many days.

 

This one's positive, though.
 

I want to make it clear that when I talk about these "bad" things from my past I don't dwell on them, lose sleep, or cry. I CAN talk about these "bad" things now and draw something positive from them. Reminiscing about this stuff reminds me of just how strong I am and how far I've come from when I was fucking my life up.

 

So any time I talk about this stuff it's all positive and there's no need to worry. I just like thinking back and realizing: "WOW! I've come so far and I know I will never, ever go back there so it's time to share my story with the world."

 

Brother Cane --- "The Crow Flies"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics: (Side commentary/story in gold)

 

Sleep
Just a reason to
Escape
All the dog wars

 

(During this time I was heavily, heavily abusing pot and LSD. I hardly ever slept. I always longed for that next trip and high, but I couldn't sleep in the end and ALL I WANTED WAS A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP!)

 

Track
Every move they ever
Make
And I'm religious one time

 

(This is when the paranoia started to creep in, along with 'waking up' one day, the day I went missing, feeling I might be the Messiah, or a prophet. It was VERY religious to me and I'm not even a religious guy. I was also concerned that "bad people" knew that I had "awakened" and they were trying to get me and kill me in order to prevent me from coming into my true self. LOTS of paranoia and delusional thoughts here.)

 

Blow apart understanding
Will it ever change?
Don't believe what you're thinking
Draw the line in your own way

 

(I was trying to get out of this cycle, this never-ending cycle of go to work, go to class, come home, get high, trip, call out of work, drop classes, blow off my then long-term girlfriend to trip, not be able to sleep, only wishing for sleep. I HAD to change and do something different. I HAD to draw the line somewhere. My thoughts became scattered. I had lots of racing thoughts. Things weren't making much sense. I kept FEELING that I was CHOSEN somehow to go through all of this, but I kept telling myself not to believe it, that it was all a delusion... But I couldn't shake it.)

 

Sun
Crashing down around my
Bed
Like dirty murder

Me

 

(This endless cycle of no sleep, restless hours upon hours of tossing and turning, just trying to catch one wink, being ruined abruptly by dawn's early rays. It sucked. I wanted it to just fucking END.)

 

With a glass of broken
Pride
Can I get a witness today?

 

(I was drinking heavily in an attempt to quell the anxiety, this restlessness, to TRY to pass out at night after the LSD wore off. I felt so alone, wondering, hoping there might be someone in my life who could truly understand, but nobody could relate and nobody even knew how deep down I was. I drank so much and my pride was indeed broken. Wish I could have just broken the glass I was drinking out of, though. I would inevitably trip again and get high again and drink again. It was an endless cycle I felt trapped in, as though I were in purgatory somehow.)

 

Say what you wanna
And release it all
Take a walk 'til I'm dizzy

 

(After a pretty heavy LSD trip and after eating lots of strong cannacookies, as well as drinking way too much at night, and smoking tons of pot, without sleeping a wink, I got up that morning and just let it all loose. I started acting very, very odd. I built a "altar" out of stuff in my room and ended up going out to a park/nature preserve. I walked all morning and all day. That's saying the least. I could write chapters on this experience.

 

I took a walk until I was dizzy for sure.)

 

The crow flies in me

A soul you can't see
The crow flies in me

 

(During this sojourn there was this one bird. I was a cat bird. It was calling my name, two syllables: "Nie Mand." "Nie Mand." (My actual name is 2 syllables.) I followed that fucking bird all day. For hours. I went into creeks and in and out of this one lake. It wasn't a crow, but let's allow some poetic license here. I just KNEW I had to follow that bird calling my name...)

 

Believe what you wanna

And release it all
Gonna fly 'til I'm dizzy

 

(And here I followed that bird and wound up on the side of a major local highway, sitting on the guard rail, waving at cars, soaking wet, mud in my pockets... Eventually a police car showed up and handcuffed me... Asked if I had drugs on me or at home. Not on me, but I confessed all that I had. The officer took me to the next town's train station and left me there, barefoot and bleeding from my feet all cut up. I ended up eventually finding my way to a hospital where I got treatment that I REALLY FUCKING NEEDED.

 

I BELIEVED that I NEEDED to follow that bird. It felt as though my own lost and troubled soul was calling out to me to follow it. I KNEW I HAD to do this even if it killed me.)

 

The crow flies in me

A soul you can't see
The crow flies in me

 

(To this day the cat birds still call my name. Sometimes the squirrels, too. I know it's just my own imagination, and I'm in good mental health staying on my medications, but I still like to think there's something greater going on when the mourning doves cry, when the cat birds call, and when the squirrels call out. I love being around nature and I still love walking. It's become a HUGE part of my spirituality/religious beliefs and who I am as a person.

 

I truly believe that the crow does fly in me and that this is my way of communing with nature and for giving thanks to the fact that I have suffered through so much crazy bullshit in my life and am still going strong and doing better than I ever was.

 

I have to admit, though, that the whole "being a missing person presumed dead for 3 days and then coming out of my psychosis enough to able to call my family to let them know I was still alive and in a mental hospital" definitely has "Jesus vibes" to it.)

Edited by niemandgeist, 04 March 2016 - 03:35 PM.

[prof_it_e]

Thanks for sharing niemand (no 'body'?), glad you made it through.

[niemandgeist]

This one is about a long-term relationship I had when I went to college. I saw all of the red flags and whatnot, but I stayed in it.

 

Honestly, I tried to break things up several months in, but the way she reacted when I told her I wanted to end things  I was worried she'd try to kill herself or something so I figured,

 

"OK. None of her relationships ever lasted past a few months. She doesn't know any better. Let me give her a chance."

 

This was foolishness, of course. I kept trying to make things work out. My mom and dad didn't work out, so at the time (I was in my early 20's) I figured it's the man's job to try to make things work and all, because it was really my dad who fucked up big time.

 

It wasn't until many many years later that I realized BOTH people have to put in their equal share of effort and that BOTH partners need to be able to compromise.

 

This woman unfortunately didn't know the meaning of compromise, but eh... I was young.

 

So really this is a pretty good song by the Birthday Massacre. It's got really amazing female vocals, some synth/keyboard stuff and loops, but also REALLY good trippy/relaxing guitar and drum beats in it. For a kind of sad song it's pretty upbeat.

 

The visuals for the music video are also pretty neato.

 

The Birthday Massacre --- "Looking Glass"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

Waiting as I'm wanting to
Speaking as I'm spoken to
Changing to your point of view
Fading as I follow you

 

(This part of the lyric reminds me of when I wasn't sure about the relationship. I wanted to end it, but she convinced me not to leave, so I figured, OK, I'll stay here with you and give this a shot.)

A boyish notion of false emotion
These words are spoken despite my love
A fool's devotion was set in motion
My eyes are open now

 

(I wasn't really feeling it. I suppose the "false emotion" thing shines through here, but there were brief periods where things were great. BRIEF periods, mind you. Now, looking back, I realize I should have done what I KNEW was in my own best interest. I spared her feelings at the expense of mine.)

It's a glass cage so I can't pretend
You hide beneath the physical
I see it coming
But I can't defend
You cut so deep
My belief is gone
My belief is gone
My belief is...

 

(To be honest, she was away studying somewhere else that I couldn't visit regularly. Sex was great, most of the time, in the beginning, so I stayed. I knew it wouldn't work out, though. She started to change, basically, looking back on it, she made demands and I had to obey. If I needed time to myself, or I needed anything else, it didn't usually matter. She didn't know how to compromise. I kind of started to not see her as often as I could and got into drugs.)

Tell me what I want to say
Save me for another day
Break me, it's the game you play
Hate me as I turn away

 

(Again, she didn't like me hanging out with other people, she HATED me making friends with women when I was in college who were much, much smarter than her. I never cheated. It's just that I had my own world I was building apart from her and she didn't dig that shit. But then again, I wasn't really happy with her enough of the time. I was mostly happy some of the time, but that isn't enough. Now I know that.)

A boyish notion of false emotion
These words are spoken despite my love
A fool's devotion was set in motion
My eyes are open now

It's a glass cage so I can't pretend
You hide beneath the physical
I see it coming
But I can't defend
You cut so deep
My belief is gone
My belief is gone
My belief is gone
My belief is gone
My belief is...

It's a glass cage so I can't pretend
You hide beneath the physical
I see it coming
But I can't defend
You cut so deep
My belief is gone
My belief is gone
My belief is gone
My belief is gone
My belief is...

Edited by niemandgeist, 13 March 2016 - 01:46 PM.

[niemandgeist]

Here's a good one that has a lot to do with my past drug dabbling, the period when it got way, way, way out of control. It is about my own addiction during a several-year-period, clouded by an intimate relationship with another woman.

 

It's also about my getting into treatment, winding up in mental hospitals, seeing what I'd done to myself and others, and slowly, SLOWLY, putting back the pieces of my life and learning how to live again without being so desperately dependant upon those drugs.

 

A positive song, really.

 

I gave "her" (addiction/drugs) up for rediscovering myself, my family, my friends.

 

"Time borrowed from the Gods" is a profound lyric, let me tell you.

 

I nearly died.

 

I really wanted to fly, and in order to do this, I had to stop abusing the drugs.

 

Edge of Dawn --- "Losing Ground"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

He felt invulnerable
Absolute control

 

(I knew where to get the drugs online. I knew the doses. I knew the ins and outs of all of the chemicals. I felt invincible. I knew it all. I could do no wrong.)

His soul worked like a mine
He would exploit the present
Flood dead-ends if they sparkled
Stakes would sometimes be too high

 

(Again, I thought I knew it all. Pure chemicals. Pure moments, brief, but amazing, drugged up. A post man's deliver away...)

He was offered a buffet of seduction
More delight than man can take
Easy target
King of diamonds
His fate was sealed
This spell he could not shake

 

(It was like a love relationship at first. Everything I'd ever longed for in my own life. I needed something like this, I felt, I yearned for, but it was as though I was enraptured, enchanted, hypnotized.)

Good-bye, my love
Good-bye

Losing ground is what it takes
If you really want to fly

 

(I had to move beyond this if I really, really wanted to be "enlightened.")

For time borrowed from the gods
You pay more than one life

 

(Time borrowed from the Gods... by dabbling in drugs, a myriad of drugs... I ended up hurting others close to me because of this.)

Losing ground is what it takes
If you really want to fly
Don't cry, my love
Don't cry
They were never meant to last
She was never meant to lie

 

(The drugs didn't lie to me. They showed me many things. Things I'd never have been privy to without them. However, I wanted to elevate myself... The drugs can't do that. I HAD to do that. The hard way. It was never meant to last, this affair couldn't last. It was never meant to last.)

It was no accident
It was all well-planned
Would he take another blow

 

(I'd been researching these things, these chemicals, for months before I got into it. I knew what I was getting into, or so I'd thought. And yes, despite vague warnings that it was interfering significantly with my own life I did take another blow.)

She would exploit the addict
Stir up a conflict
Breach of trust
And she'd stage another show
Sometimes a wounded animal
Tricks the carnivore
Thank the merits of digital tools (I was able to order anything I wanted online...)

He would stick to it
Sink this relationship
Kamikaze, we count on you

 

(I kept at it. It was the only thing that mattered above all else... Chasing experiences, brief experiences at the expense of my true relationships in life. Perhaps the only way it would end would be when I snuffed out my own flame.)

Good-bye, my love
Good-bye
Losing ground is what it takes
If you really want to fly
For time borrowed from the gods
You pay more than one life
Losing ground is what it takes
If you really want to fly
Don't cry, my love
Don't cry
We were never meant to last
You were never made to lie

Edited by niemandgeist, 13 March 2016 - 05:27 PM.

[niemandgeist]

This song reminds me of when I went through my "tripping phase" when I was tripping on all sorts of non-classical (and sometimes classical) psychedelics. I felt that I was learning about things and understood things that most others were missing and, sadly, that I was somehow better than them because of it.

 

I feel that this song talks about being able to see the bigger picture while still allowing for the opposing view and how it can cause conflict in life. I feel that this song speaks about pushing forward and being open-minded while cautioning us to maintain balance and not be "so loud" about it for fear of persecution and misunderstanding.

 

King's X --- "Pleiades" (A nice progressive rock trio song with harmonies and just awesomely chill and upbeat tunes coming your way.)

 

The video has some cool space-type motion going on, too!

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

When I look up at the stars at night
What could I find beyond the light
A hundred million worlds that we ignore

Who can restrain pleiades
Or know the laws of heavenly's
How many times have we been wrong before

Far off in the field I see a castle
Today the people gather at the pole
He tried to tell us all the world was spherical
They burned his body but not his soul

[niemandgeist]

This one doesn't need any commentary apart from saying that it illustrates, in words and in song, when I went off the deep end and became controlled by the drugs, nearly dying.

 

It's a relaxing melody anyway which contrasts greatly from what the lyrics say.

 

Velvet Acid Christ --- "Crushed"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

The thing inside you on your blackest day,
That voice inside you that never goes away.
The haunting feeling that I have to play,
A game of fear soiled in this pain.
These words in my mouth, this blood on my tongue
This is what its like, to come undone.
We are nothing, we are nothing.

Crushed by the curse, bleeding in rain.
Destroyed by a look, torn by the pain
The illusion of love, crying again.
But that's how it hurts when it's in your veins.

The thing inside you on your blackest day,
That voice inside you that makes you say
I've given up hope and I'm lost again
It eats at my heart to the bitter bitter end
Oh no, we are nothing, we are nothing.
Crushed by the curse, bleeding in rain.
Destroyed by a look, torn by the pain.
The illusion of love, crying again.
But that's how it hurts, when you go insane.

Crushed by the curse, torn by the pain.
Destroyed by a look, crying again.

[prof_it_e]

...

This was foolishness, of course. I kept trying to make things work out. My mom and dad didn't work out, so at the time (I was in my early 20's) I figured it's the man's job to try to make things work and all, because it was really my dad who fucked up big time.

 

It wasn't until many many years later that I realized BOTH people have to put in their equal share of effort and that BOTH partners need to be able to compromise.

 

This woman unfortunately didn't know the meaning of compromise, but eh... I was young.

...

 

Word; I can relate..!

[Heirloom]

I think Bob Seger , Beautiful Loser, a classic underachiever.

[niemandgeist]

This Brother Cane song really speaks volumes about my life, and I'm thinking that all of those who have lived beyond those "younger years" can relate to this song while casually pondering the path they've wandered in life.

 

This song reminds me of how free I feel even though I'm on my own path, a path that few walk in life. After all, only about 1% of the population lives with this bipolar disorder thing. To me, the "Voice of Eujena" reminds me of my positive psychedelic and life experiences that have shaped me into a better person, most of all my mushroom experiences where I commune with the utter blatant reality of myself and of all that is to remind me of all that I do not know.

 

I also consider "The Voice of Eujena" to be some of the darker times in my life that I have survived and surpassed to continue on to become a better version of me despite seemingly everything conspiring against me.

 

I mostly recall all of the good and bad things I've lived through in life and I realize that I'm moving onward down a pretty good path when I once thought it was all shit and dreary.

 

These days I feel quite comfortable with who I am.

 

To me this is a song about growing up and reminiscing. I hope you enjoy it! Hopefully you'll sing along with it as I love to do. :)

 

This is a wonderful acoustic number with very meaningful lyrics:

 

Brother Cane --- "Voice of Eujena"

 

[Direct Link]

 

Lyrics:

 

Voice of Eujena
Brother Cane

From his youth he sees inside a slow parade of storms
Lessons learned from fear of nothing to lose
The voice remains
It sounds the same
Even from so far
And he feels much better
From the sky hear the call...

Faces and colors they change
I fade from believing
When I'm lost in the shadows to roam
The voice of Eujena can send me home

Draw this bridge and sail away
A boy becomes a man
To fight his own battles
And realize some dreams
A beacon light shines all around
To guide the ship to shore
And it feels much better
In the light safe he goes

Faces and colors they change
I fade from believing
I feel lost in the shadows alone with no ending
Faces and colors they've changed through all that I've known
But the voice of Eujena can send me home
Naaaah......
Oh, ahhhh.....
Ahhhh...

In silent times my closest friend
Without her strength I'd fall
Peace of mind and soul are nothing to lose

Rest inside her voice and find
Everything I need
And I feel much better
May the voice carry on

Faces and colors they change
I fade from believing
I feel lost in the shadows alone with no ending
Faces and colors they've changed through all that I've known
But the voice of Eujena can send me home

The voice of Eujena can send me...

Edited by niemandgeist, 09 July 2016 - 12:55 PM.

[Heirloom]

Alice Coopers "No Mister Nice Guy" I have not figured out how to paste the words or I would of.

 About my past long ago.

Edited by Heirloom Spores, 21 September 2016 - 09:02 PM.

[Heirloom]

"Stranded"
Manfred Mann's Earth Band


Stranded in Iowa
Stranded in Iowa
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I can't keep my thoughts out of sight
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I need to feel the stars sleep by at night
I'm stranded all night, stranded all right

Stranded in Iowa
Stranded in Iowa
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I can't keep my thoughts out of sight
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I need to feel the stars sleep by at night
I'm stranded all night, stranded all right

Mayday, this is Echo Hotel
Mayday, this is Echo Hotel
Mayday, this is Echo Hotel
Hotel Echo, this is Mike November
I can hear your call
Mayday, this is Echo Hotel
Mayday, this is Echo Hotel
Hotel Echo, this is Charlie Delta
I can feel the fear
Mayday, this is Echo Hotel
[repeat to fade]

Stranded in Iowa
Stranded in Iowa
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I can't keep my thoughts out of sight
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I need to feel the stars sleep by at night
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I can't keep my thoughts out of sight
Better get the Breakdown squad out
Get me rolling on
'Cause I need to feel the stars sleep by at night
I'm stranded all night, stranded all right

Mayday, this is Echo Hotel

Edited by Heirloom Spores, 12 March 2017 - 05:57 PM.