For years I've been dealing with occasional bouts of paralyzing rage. usually it doesn't last long, but while it is happening I generally cannot think about anything other than how much I hate my life, all the ways I've failed to live up to my own dreams, how I'm surrounded by people who (unconcsciously) want to keep me trapped. It was one thing when it would come for a night and then leave me alone for a long time. Recently, however, these episodes are more frequent and they last longer. In fact one's happening right now... all day yesterday and all day today, and I know that if I don't break it today it's going to last all night too (insomnia usually goes along with it). Oh sure I've gotten a few necessary things done: taking long showers, getting dressed, picked up a few materials for a project (which I can't work on anyway until this stops), dealt with a money issue. I've even gotten brief respites a couple of times by actually breaking down and crying. Unfortunately, it's just been coming right back within minutes though. Just an overwhelming sense of irritation at everything, hopelessness, fury. It doesn't help that I pretty much have no one to talk to except my partner who I share a tiny, tiny studio apartment with, and she is so clueless that it just triggers me further to talk to her.
I'm just looking for some advice on how to break this. All I want is to get on with mutating, flowing, again, start living life more musically, stop letting missed experiences pass me by. But first I need to break this stupid mind-numbing rage. Please don't tell me to do jumping jacks, yoga, breathing excersizes, or go for a walk. I rode my bike about 10 miles already today, didn't help one bit. It's a beautiful day, I've been walking, it doesn't help. And yoga just isn't going to happen. I would love to hear some recommendations for herbal medicines... I live near a number of health and natural food stores so I can procure them. If it were anxiety I'd know a few things that might help, like lemon balm. But this is more like an extremely angry, desperate sub-clinical depression. I know the only long-term solution is to escape the people and situations that are manipulating me to keep me captive to "normality". But I can't get on with doing that until I regain some ability to think and act with consciousness again, right now...
Careful what you say, I'm in a real prickly mood... Just kidding, please help any way you know. Thanks Topia I know I can count on you all.
Edited by Cybilopsin, 09 March 2016 - 03:52 PM.