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Help with anger/depression?

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#1 Cybilopsin



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Posted 09 March 2016 - 03:51 PM

For years I've been dealing with occasional bouts of paralyzing rage. usually it doesn't last long, but while it is happening I generally cannot think about anything other than how much I hate my life, all the ways I've failed to live up to my own dreams, how I'm surrounded by people who (unconcsciously) want to keep me trapped. It was one thing when it would come for a night and then leave me alone for a long time. Recently, however, these episodes are more frequent and they last longer. In fact one's happening right now... all day yesterday and all day today, and I know that if I don't break it today it's going to last all night too (insomnia usually goes along with it). Oh sure I've gotten a few necessary things done: taking long showers, getting dressed, picked up a few materials for a project (which I can't work on anyway until this stops), dealt with a money issue. I've even gotten brief respites a couple of times by actually breaking down and crying. Unfortunately, it's just been coming right back within minutes though. Just an overwhelming sense of irritation at everything, hopelessness, fury. It doesn't help that I pretty much have no one to talk to except my partner who I share a tiny, tiny studio apartment with, and she is so clueless that it just triggers me further to talk to her.


I'm just looking for some advice on how to break this. All I want is to get on with mutating, flowing, again, start living life more musically, stop letting missed experiences pass me by. But first I need to break this stupid mind-numbing rage. Please don't tell me to do jumping jacks, yoga, breathing excersizes, or go for a walk. I rode my bike about 10 miles already today, didn't help one bit. It's a beautiful day, I've been walking, it doesn't help. And yoga just isn't going to happen. I would love to hear some recommendations for herbal medicines... I live near a number of health and natural food stores so I can procure them. If it were anxiety I'd know a few things that might help, like lemon balm. But this is more like an extremely angry, desperate sub-clinical depression. I know the only long-term solution is to escape the people and situations that are manipulating me to keep me captive to "normality". But I can't get on with doing that until I regain some ability to think and act with consciousness again, right now...


Careful what you say, I'm in a real prickly mood... Just kidding, please help any way you know. Thanks Topia I know I can count on you all.

Edited by Cybilopsin, 09 March 2016 - 03:52 PM.

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#2 Cybilopsin



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Posted 09 March 2016 - 05:53 PM

I guess one way to look at this is that I'm experiencing the typical angst of youth, nothing more. Perhaps the only solution is to be patient and let it pass, try not to bother anyone or do any damage while it lasts, and learn to be content with my life as it exists. If the general consensus is that that's all there is to it, then go ahead and delete this topic.


Tonight I'll go for a long night hike in the unseasonably warm weather. Beats staring at the ceiling in the apartment trying not to disturb my partner's sleep with my insomnia.


I could take some of my friend's psilocybin tincture. I'm not sure how strong it is so my dose would almost be a random guess. I'm leaning against it, though, because I don't have a really good place to hang out - it's either my apartment where my partner is (asking for trouble) or the woods at night by myself, which sounds cool but can become very uncool when you don't have anywhere to retreat to once you don't want to be in the woods anymore.


My only other idea is to drink some cocoa mixed with hot water, lots of it.

Edited by Cybilopsin, 09 March 2016 - 06:02 PM.

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#3 prof_it_e



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Posted 10 March 2016 - 01:19 AM

Valerian Root / drops..?


"According to the "Practical Guide to Natural Medicines," valerian has been used for 1000 years as a sedative and calmative agent. Its modern day uses include as a treatment for anxiety, promoting sleep, controlling panic attacks, as well as relieving headaches, menstrual cramps and digestive cramping. Valerian also helps relax the body. In Japan, it is a popular over-the-counter sedative." (


Invariably when things are going pear-shaped for me / my health / my mental well-being / my sleeping pattern it involves something I'm eating / drinking that I shouldn't be. Is this a possibility for you Cybilopsin? Nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, salt, sugar, meat, dairy, processed food, fried food etc.? Of course the other side of this is if you are managing to avoid the bad stuff are you getting enough of the good stuff. I like to supplement with an Omega 3-6-9 blend (Essential Fatty Acids). There's a thread at the moment (How Not To Die) that suggests a book that covers this kind of stuff.


It might feel unlikely that there's a connection between what you eat and how you feel but it might be a worth a shot considering. Also it's not an instant results thing more like a lifestyle thing. Good luck and I hope things improve for you soon!

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#4 Coopdog



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Posted 10 March 2016 - 03:26 AM

The thing is man, and I certainly feel every bit of what you said, is that the world is extremely fucked up right now. If you are an energy sensitive person you have got to be feeling that. I will start with the basics. Go get some sub-lingual B12 and vitamin D. These are two things that severely effect our mindset and mental health and are very cheap and easy to find. B12 had an amazing effect on me when I was going through the beginnings of the Kundalini energy bullshit I am still trying to stay on top of. That is a whole story in it's own right, but not here to talk about me.


Man I find that my mind gets frustrated when I am stagnating. Being in a rut is a terrible thing on your consciousness, especially if it is a comfortable rut. I see you ride a bike, man that is awesome. Physical exertion is a very good thing to combat this, but it seems as if you are unsatisfied on a few different levels. You seem frustrated by your situation as it stands right now, and sometimes it seems as if you are powerless to make changes. The way to go about that is one little thing at a time. The power of change is huge when you keep at it and cumulative results can bring big changes in a years time. You feel as if you missed opportunities? Man life is long and if you think that then get busy on making that right. Next year will come whether you move towards your goals or not. Where do you want to be in a year? Get on it bro.


What are you lacking in your life right now? You said don't bring up Yoga, but man the deep breathing process of yoga is a powerful damn tool for this. Leave yoga out of it and just practice deep breathing and visualizing yourself happy, and stress free and at peace. Visualize yourself where you want to be and doing something you love to do. If you practice deep breathing and visualization it can take you out of yourself and help you find a meditative state, and man I know the frustration and anger and rage you are feeling inside. Practice INTENT TO BE AT PEACE, and visualize that.


Music takes me out of myself and my fucked up mindset. Do you play any instruments? The music you listen to has a huge effect on your psych and if you are listening to thrash metal or rude rap, man that is not helping despite the fact that it can be something you can relate to. My wife has an amazing ability to pick spiritually uplifting music and I am not talking about Christian rock or anything like that. Just stuff that you just have to groove on. If you would like a cd I would be glad to ask her to make you one just for your particular state of mind and she is amazing at doing that.


When I find myself stuck and wanting to act out, reading can take me out of myself. I have dealt with the kind of mindset you describe most of my life, and learned over time that if I am not learning and growing I am very unhappy. So, I keep at it and even if I am taking guitar lessons on youtube, I keep doing new stuff. This helps me a LOT bro, and I truly believe that a stagnating mind is an unhappy mind.


Please believe that this can change, and that you can indeed get on top of this. I found my way through with meditation and meditating with INTENT. Through this I rooted out the cause of my unhappiness and finally came to the very real conclusion that most of my unhappiness was basically self serving bullshit, and I am not saying yours is. That was my own experience. Yours may be very different. I was caught up in a bunch of oh woe is me bullshit that really had no cause, and from there I started growing a little, and from there I began to really find myself and get on top of this mess that I am. I was making myself unhappy for no damn reason whatsoever.


Please go easy on your partner, who probably doesn't understand what is making you unhappy and more than likely feels like it is directly related to you being dis-satisfied with her. Be careful with her or you may well find yourself alone in this mental mind fuck. Our girls do not deserve to be dealing with this, and it is a problem that we as men need to take care of and grow from.


If you are taking any sort of Benzos, like valium or Xanax or Klonopin, please do yourself a favor and kick that shit to the curb. That single thing is the best thing I ever did for myself. Those things bring about a black mindset that is impossible to see your way out of, and would have killed me if I had kept on down that road. You are not alone out there man, and there are a lot of good people here who will be willing to talk to you and hear what you are going through.


Hang in there bro and hold your head up, because you can get on top of this. Peace and be safe...

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#5 Alder Logs

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Posted 10 March 2016 - 11:09 AM

See what in you has the anger, and why.    Is the angry aspect truly you, or a stress from ideas you hold of who you are?    Is the universe giving you this as a gift, an opportunity for greater self-awareness?    If it's those people pissing you off, there will be others to replace them.   If it's an aspect of conditioned response, its discovery serves your own freedom.  

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#6 Jenniferjupiter



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Posted 10 March 2016 - 12:26 PM

I was wondering where you have been lately. I noticed you weren't on much.

What you wrote hit very close to home. In the past I have had bouts of anger that seemed to last for days, exploding at my husband and kids etc.. not a good way to be. i have found that doing grounding exercises and just getting my hands in the dirt, gardening, digging etc helped immensely. I would wonder though.. besides the state of affairs as it is right now.. what is making you angry besides the latter. i went to therapy last year and it was great to get shit off my chest..( I also started on Bupropion 100 mg)  I learned a lot about what i was holding on to that was making me angry/anxiety. Do you have family issues that are unresolved? do you hate your job? Do you need to move out of the area? sometimes moving and getting away from everything that has done you wrong is a very liberating experience.

Buy a shit ton of epsom salts.. like a few bags.. and dump 1 bag into a deep hot tub with half a box of baking soda and 10 drops of lavender oil.. stay in as long as possible.. it's an amazing thing to do.. the salts will help cleanse your auric field and help get rid of the hangers on that are bringing you down. It also helps to take magnesium supplements.. Epsom salts along with mag are known as natures valium.. You might be going through your saturn return as well.. idk how old you are..( i know you are younger than me though :) or anything but when i had mine it was sooo awful and made all of the issues I needed to deal with surface. ALSO hematite.. lots of it helped me with my negative emotions..

Consider also seeing an acupuncturist, ask them to do a needle placement called  "releasing the dragon" it's amazing..

I hope I helped a little.. I understand how you feel completely.. it's a terrible state of being and you feel sad that you are like that and its a fucking vicious cycle. Getting counseling on top of all the other natural remedies might just be the icing on the cake for you. It took me having a panic attack at my work to get me off my ass and seek help, that was a year and a month 1/2 ago. things have gotten way better since. There is nothing wrong with seeking outside help.. you are already doing it here. But having a trained therapist helps wonders. IDK if you are a guy or a girl but sometimes PMS and our hormones take nasty turns and you might consider having your thyroid checked. seriously. Let us know how you are soon, you are welcome to PM me if you need more private support. I am a very stubborn person and it took... how many years to get me to admit I had an issue or 2 that needed outside help? ummm like 35 or more years.. I'm 43 and have had anger issues and moodiness since I was a child. take care, Jen

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#7 niemandgeist


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Posted 10 March 2016 - 01:12 PM


Please don't tell me to do jumping jacks, yoga, breathing excersizes, or go for a walk. I rode my bike about 10 miles already today, didn't help one bit. It's a beautiful day, I've been walking, it doesn't help. And yoga just isn't going to happen. I


OK. I won't suggest that at all.


I would suggest an intense, yet short, strength training regimen/workout that you can do just about anywhere for free without any equipment/money.


It works for me. It's been FUCKING WORKING for me for years to quell my anger and unrest.


If find that, sometimes, even if I'm just slightly frustrated, I need to break out the wooden dowels or cast iron fireplace tools and do some kinda crazy shit. Sometimes break out the shitty throwing knife set I've got and launch it into a dead log or some plywood.


Sometimes you just NEED to COMPLETELY UNLEASH THE RAGE on something that can take it with no repurcussions. In a physical sense. You just have to FUCK SHIT UP within reason, physically.


But I don't know if you're interested so that's all I'll say unless you PM me or respond here and I happen to see it. (If I don't respond maybe I don't see it so PM and bug me and be like "I AM ANGRY WHY YOU NOT RESPOND MY THREAD ARRGH!") :biggrin:




I'm sure that herbal remedies may help, however, in my experience when dealing with primal anger and rage, the stuff of which MUST be expressed with immediacy and PURE PASSION I feel that you may want to learn how to use your body and movement to RAGE like a storm and DESTROY all that permeates and corrodes your emotions in order to bring you a moment of peace.


It's free. It would seem fucking nuts to most bystanders. It can be custom-tailored to your own uniqueness.


It's not a canned response so, without hearing from you and responding to you a few times I can't just spill those beans.


Hope you've been maintaining. :chucks: :hug:

Edited by niemandgeist, 10 March 2016 - 01:16 PM.

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#8 SteampunkScientist


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Posted 17 March 2016 - 07:52 PM

L-Theanine. It is a nootropic, and at a dose of 50mg twice per day you will almost immediately notice a calming effect. 200mg before bed will send you off to sleep.

I too battle with rage, I've done it on this forum (got warned by Zen once too). Try it, it is the active chemical in green and white tea.

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