I was recently inspired by Coopdog's post about how he is dissatisfied with the lack of trip reports around here lately. I have had quite a few trips in the past year but have not written any of them up out of pure laziness. Now with my newfound desire I will try and remember how it went one fateful day...
I ate 10 grams of encapsulated Magic Mushroom grounds I grew myself. After waiting for two solid hours I realized they didn't fuckin work, tough shit. As a remedy to this situation I possessed 4 hits of blotter LSD which I acquired quite a while ago that was hiding in a drawer; I ate exactly "2" of them.
My trips begin with a relative amount of anxiety; much like a novice rock-climber clinging to his rope once he realizes how high he really is.
I calm myself down with my familiar ritual proceedings- lay down on the bed, put on the headphones of extraordinary quality (Blue Mofi Headphones if you were wondering). The tracks of the night as it always is, was Tool; starting with the Ænema album and following up through Lateralus and 10,000 Days in chronological order. Lights out and away we go. I have always held feelings of intelligence, guidance, healing, and love when listening to Tool. I take what they have to say to heart and I adore their various deep, and extraordinarily detailed, art forms which I could write thread upon thread about. I've never really sufficiently explored The Doors, King Crimson, The Grateful Dead or Pink Floyd because I love Tool so much and I am also very young (22) so cut me some slack. I don't want to spend all night here writing about my experiences and feelings listening to them because I seriously could. So I will skip by that part; that is for another time.
I digress. Arising into my peak experience I meandered into my mothers bed room (she was out of town for a whole month!). I grew up in this house; I remember sleeping here as a young boy. Memories of my childhood would arise and pass away as quickly as they came. Reminiscence so strong that I could feel what I felt back in the elementary and middle years as a sort of flashback. Even before I was thrust onto the educational conveyor belt I could remember things which escape me now. I should have brought a pen. The psychedelics allowed me to take a macroscopic look at my life and how I came to be. Standing there in the doorway of my mothers room I began to understand and appreciate more and more all she has done for me. Cultivating exponentially my love for her.
After a while I found my way into my families hot tub out in the yard (mother was on a business trip, bother was not home and dad never existed).
The hot tub was located under thousands of cloudless glittering stars, with a peach tree over encumbered with ripe perfect reachable peaches hanging over the side. It was here where I began to experience Ego Death. Excruciatingly terrifying as it is laying there in the warm water I had to confront and move through my own fear of dying. I had done this before but somehow I had forgotten. Additionally it was fear in general that I had to move through; fear of being murdered by a knife, or in some alternate dimension having to murder someone else. It made no sense to me; all this fear and destruction. In my mind I was screaming out to the universe No! No! No! as many times as I could possibly imagine. At the time is was as if everyone else in the universe/world was on a higher level of love and wisdom except me and I was the only one in eternity not in paradise, not in infinite imagination and possibilities. I was like a black hole sucking love energy out of the universe and never giving back.
It all started to calm down. I started hearing voices in my mind one which I could describe as Carl Jung's Anima archetype. The guide to the inner psyche, the love of my life, wife-symbol, Bodhisattva, what have you. Telling me, calming me down, "it's ok you are safe here" over and over again. I was then I realized that I needed to start giving love back to the world. Immediately in my mind a hundred-thousand-million voices all gradually arise saying things like "Hes waking up! "Finally! Once again he's here!". "Welcome back!" "We love you!." I was crying at this point as I was realizing that pain is an illusion and infinite love and imagination was real, and that I needed to do with my life something that contributes in a creative and positive way.
Here is where the real work began. My perception of the world, the earth transformed from something scary and uncomfortable into a playground of discovery, creativity, and love. Everything was beautiful and fascinating. I felt like I could do whatever I wanted on this playground (earth). It was this moment when I chose to follow concert lighting design as a career. I figured out what I love and what I was interested in doing; I chose out of anything I could do I wanted to show people what can be done through hard work, I wanted to explore bleeding edge technology, and be part of something which brings healing inspiration and guidance to millions of people.
Basking in these visions of the future and the commitment to living a good life I began to fall back into myself. I closed the hot tub, walked back into my house, crawled into bed, started listening to Lustmord, and stared at the intricate and complex hallucinations dancing on the back of my eyelids until I fell asleep.
Edited by Saphroziac, 26 October 2016 - 05:11 AM.