Paradox
©
Fisana

Jump to content


Photo
- - - - -

Splintered


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 ChimX

ChimX

    Spiritual Forager

  • Free Member
  • 193 posts

Posted 25 November 2016 - 07:47 PM

11/06/16
Sao Paulo, Brazil
Wachuma - (dried powder) 50g x 2
20161105_182004.jpg

19:00 Letters crumble off words as quickly as I read them. I'd hoped to post updates on dose to Coopdog, but it's proving to be a challenge. All hard surfaces including my phone are sprouting illuminated orange fur and I'm doing my best not to crush any. I need to shower and center myself. I trick the dog into the bathroom and scrub him clean as well.

I sit in the darkness of an office at the back of the house, light Palo Santo (incense) and pray. No words, no requests. The occasional "Maha Devi" escapes my lips, but the rest is silence. I visualize her face and swim inside her. Love is a verb and I radiate all I can. The visions are soft and fleeting. I have trouble focusing and I'm assaulted on all sides by comic images. Green smiling faces peer at me from behind jungle bushes while hieroglyphic lines writhe like snakes across the floor. I kick myself for getting distracted but still fall prey to uncontrollable fits of laughter.

I give up for a while and check on my wife. She's snuggled underneath covers watching old Twilight Zone episodes. The temptation to crawl into bed with her gets the best of me. We imitate the feigned black and white emotions on screen and laugh ourselves silly. She holds my hand and I steal an occasional kiss. Her smile and demeanor are so inviting, that I suddenly realize I have to leave. If I don't break free of her comforts now, I'll never get away. I search for the clock and it laughs back at me "01:00".

I redose and will come to seriously question this decision, when it's far too late to do so.

I wanted to purge. I wanted to get past the frilly distractions of shiny lights and fractals on the back of my eye lids. I wanted to breathe the life beyond. I wanted a permanent tattoo scarred across my ego to remind my 'daily self' of it's petty petitions. I asked for all of this, but should've been asking for a seat belt.

I'm laying outside on a patio sofa in pitch black. My body contorts with a pulsating energy that's coursing through my veins. The twisting releases clouds of powdery coal from my skin which I shrink away from, so as not to breath it back in. Malicious shadows scamper through the darkness. Paranoia takes hold and I'm bombarded with violent images of death and disease. Fear creeps in as pieces of my mind begin to splinter. Each shard that falls away is self contained, independent, and terrified. I want to let go, to let the shards fall away. I tell myself that it's all OK, but some primal piece of me, a beast of its own, clings on for life and lashes out.

I don't know how other explorers deal with thorny aspects of vision quests, but I can't imagine delving into these realms without a set of tools. The fact that we make it back with even a shred of sanity after seeing an 11th dimensional entity, is nothing short of miraculous. Some in Yage rituals dance or sing. I pray. I don't mean like "Oh God, seriously help me through this shit...". I don't think God speaks English. I visualize her face, that's all. I hold her face in the center of my mind and emanate love back. It always works for me when the going gets rough. There's no dialog in the timeless. Only being.

I chant her name over and again. Her trillions of faces and manifestations swirl across an endless sphere. The sickly fear beast shrivels and the splinters of my mind drop away. Memories and rational thought drop with it, but I've lost all care. I want to stay forever, an oblivious tiny light drawn like a moth into a swirling endless river of God, but it always turns out the same. The light is suddenly too blinding. The unbearable beauty makes me turn and gasp. I moan aloud and turn my back.

I used to be ashamed at this point, not diving in. I'd worry that I'd somehow offended her. But now I feel she understands, and I always come back. A little closer, a little longer each time, one day forever.

I fumble for the light switch above the sofa. The light takes some getting used to and I notice the death grip on the bottle of Yage in my hands. I'd meant to pour a dose and purge but had never let the bottle go. I still want to purge and begin to pour. I whisper "no words" over the glass and knock it back. I say the same over every glass. Words get me into trouble. It's the constant mental chatter that talks me into places I shouldn't be.

I play a preset list of tracks and melt into the sofa. An hour after the dose, the nausea finally takes hold. I purge until the second dry heave, to assure I'm empty. I breathe deep to cut the reflex and lean back. It's only after I purge that visions take hold. Without it, I feel I've missed the most important bit.

Andreas Scholl belts out verses of Pergolesi and Vivaldi, and I'm drifting through stars. I'm a tiny speck of cosmic dust racing past planets on solar winds. Star plastered galaxies scream by in an endless stream and the sheer magnitude of the visions crush me. I can't see my face, but I'm sure I'm drooling like an idiot. Dead loved ones draw close with arms outstretched and smiling. I want to be happy for them, but I weep in my own selfish longing. I miss them all terribly and turn my head so they won't see the tears.

When I come back around the sun is up. I'm completely spent and my body aches from sitting rigid. The visions still pound but my mind is too tired to see detail. I'm worried I might miss something important but the images are blurred and the messages are incoherent. Jerry Garcia is crooning in my headphones "If you get confused, listen to the music play". I laugh and give into the music. I don't find sleep for a 'long' time, but I find someplace close to it, and drift into a dream I'll never remember.

- ChimX
  • Sidestreet, Coopdog, Skywatcher and 4 others like this

#2 Coopdog

Coopdog

    Mycotopiate

  • OG VIP
  • 2,094 posts

Donator


Awards Bar:

Posted 26 November 2016 - 06:54 PM

Very good write up! May I ask what is in your yage'? What is Pachuma? I am assuming cactus? Sounds like one wild ride!


  • ChimX likes this

#3 fungi2bwith

fungi2bwith

    cat-monkey

  • OG VIP
  • 1,502 posts

Awards Bar:

Posted 26 November 2016 - 08:21 PM

San Pedro is "Wachuma"


  • Coopdog and ChimX like this

#4 Coopdog

Coopdog

    Mycotopiate

  • OG VIP
  • 2,094 posts

Donator


Awards Bar:

Posted 27 November 2016 - 12:43 AM

All of my best trips have been on good old San Pedro. They say it's the least potent, but it has come through for me bigtime.


  • ChimX and Heirloom like this

#5 ChimX

ChimX

    Spiritual Forager

  • Free Member
  • 193 posts

Posted 27 November 2016 - 10:56 AM

Thanks Coop!

Fungi's right, Wachuma is Sao Pedro (Echinopsis Pachanoi). Like Peyote, it's active is mescaline and certainly feels like the same 'entity' to me (hope that makes sense). I don't have a preference between the two. They're both great medicine.

There's another common relative here, Peruvian Torch (Echinopsis Peruviana), but I don't have any experience with it.

Our Yage here consists of Jagube (Banisteriopsis Caapi) and Chacrona (Psychotria Viridis) and is probably the oldest and safest combination.

The only toxicity related death from a Yage recipe, that I know of, was from someone using Tobacco, instead of Caapi, as an MAOI (Nicotine poisoning).

While pure mescaline maybe another story, there's never been a toxicity related death from Peyote (or any other cactus cousin). Again, we're talking 'toxicity' related.

With that in mind, I drink as deeply as possible in ceremonies. I avoid deliriants (datura, morning glory, etc.) but Peyote, Psilocybe Mushrooms, and Ayahuasca are all really safe (physically), to swim deep with.

Bottoms up and "vaya con dios"!

(Thanks for the push to post Coop.)
  • Coopdog, Heirloom and tailsmcsnails like this

#6 Heirloom

Heirloom

    practitioner

  • OG VIP
  • 3,993 posts

Donator


Awards Bar:

Posted 27 November 2016 - 11:46 AM

I was wondering about the potency differences of San Pedro  vs. Peruvian Torch. I have seen conflicting reports.

I got some Peruvian Torch going from seed I have wanted to get another San Pedro. I might start from seeds.
I am going to give them away to be grown and experienced in years to come.

I have seen dried pieces of both sold online as incense is that worth trying?


  • Coopdog and ChimX like this

#7 ChimX

ChimX

    Spiritual Forager

  • Free Member
  • 193 posts

Posted 27 November 2016 - 02:26 PM

That's interesting Heirloom! I've never heard of its use as an incense. Perhaps they were advertised that way for legal reasons, but I could be completely wrong.

I'll burn some next ceremony to test it's fragrance and fill you in on results.
  • Coopdog and Heirloom like this

#8 Heirloom

Heirloom

    practitioner

  • OG VIP
  • 3,993 posts

Donator


Awards Bar:

Posted 27 November 2016 - 02:36 PM

You are right Chimx they specified incense , research purposes and stated not intended for human consumption.

I have never heard of it used as incense so I would not bother with that.

I did find some interesting web sites when I searched for Wachuma.

 Thanks for sharing your experience with us.


  • Coopdog and ChimX like this

#9 Coopdog

Coopdog

    Mycotopiate

  • OG VIP
  • 2,094 posts

Donator


Awards Bar:

Posted 27 November 2016 - 05:48 PM

Good information on the Yage. Thank you for that. I was under the impression that yage was powdered peyote made into a paste like substance or dried and consumed somehow.

 

Very cool that you are growing from seed to share with others. One of the best things about my Cactus collection has been sharing with others. Even people who have no idea that they contain mescaline as they make beautiful ornamentals. A lady I work with asked me for a start for her new home and I hooked her up a beautiful Bridgessii with about 5 pups at a foot tall. A few of my Bridgessii have lots of pups and are going to be absolutely beautiful cacti in only a couple of years. I love sharing cacti and have promised out a couple more when the weather gets warm enough to send them out.

 

Now I will have to go and search Wachuma and find those websites Heirloom was talking about. That sounds like a beautiful and spiritual experience. I did not know that Yage contained the DMT alkaloids or the Caapi. Sounds like an interesting experience and is on my bucket list. I have had the ingredients for a few years to make some Aya but with MHRB rather than Psychotria Viridis and I have heard it is especially hard on your stomach that way so have yet to do it. I will go there when spirit calls I suppose.

 

Peace...


  • ChimX and Heirloom like this




Like Mycotopia? Become a member today!